The Little Train That Couldn’t
Posted by harlan on 24 Jul 2008 at 01:23 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
Up until a few months ago, when I was sitting home alone in my condo on any random evening, I would wonder how many people in my neighborhood – or city, or county, or state – were having sex at that moment. The thought of all the happy people out their sharing their love with each other filled me with envy and remorse.
I don’t feel that way anymore. Sex is a drag.
At least it has been recently. For one thing, there’s no emotional bond. Based on previous encounters with Bertha, it seems like I should be feeling heightened affection for my partner — maybe even disproportionate affection. Instead, I feel empty, like I’m passing the time in a waiting room, only I don’t have an appointment.
An even greater problem is the physical act itself. It’s just not working. When I try to build up to orgasm, I remain flatlined. I grunt and thrust and push, faster and faster, and all of that effort just makes me sweat harder. My partner tries to say sexy things to help me out, but it all sounds ridiculously unerotic. “Yeah, baby, more, more.”
I just want to tell her to shut up and leave me alone.
The dryer has stopped and the wolverines are dead.
Try another hole.
It’s the Paxil. It KILLS your libido.
Yeah, sounds like the Maytag repairman’s finally got himself a job.
You should have a man-to-ninny talk with the prescribing physician.
Sounds like my third wife, only she had no qualms about telling me to shut up and leave her alone.
Are you sure it isn’t menopause?
Beev is right, it’s the anti-depressant. You’ve got an important choice to make…great sex and suicidal ideation or lousy sex and feeling “normal.”
I agree that it’s likely the Paxil. But, I don’t think it’s sex that’s really the problem here, Harlan. It’s intimacy. You could tell her to shut up and leave you alone, or you could tell her what’s going on with you. You may just find that coughing it up brings you closer to what you’re really looking for.
(Yes, another long-time lurker finally says something)
wow.. for once I can somewhat relate.. (I think this might be a new low for me)
I can tell you, no emotional bond = drag, especially after a while.. THAT I can tell you from experience.
I’m extremely interested in Harlan’s use of the word “recently” in this post. “At least it has been recently.”
I thought Bertha was pretty much out of the picture. This makes me wonder who he’s having this crappy sex life with. Jane? If so, what a let-down (no pun intended) for him.
Although I’ve never been on these types of meds, I have been on others that lowered my sex drive. You don’t have to choose between mental wellness and libido. There are drugs that will allow you to have both.
And if you posted this in the hopes that Jane is still reading and thought this would be an easier way to bring it up, I think you’ll find you were wrong. It’s passive-aggressive and cowardly. She’ll be even more hurt and it’ll be that much harder to work through it.
Vince -
Harlan is Bertha’s Wednesday night conquest. Different days - different men… weekly basis.
Whoa whoa whoa…slow down here.
Back in June, before Harlan’s big hiatus from SVA when things mysteriously started up with Jane, this is what he wrote:
****
“She asked me if I would promise not to write about our meeting in my blog.
I told her that I was surprised she even remembered that I write a blog. She said that she’s read it a couple times.
I have to say, I really hated the idea of her reading my blog. This blog is where I come to say exactly what’s on my mind, even if there’s egg on my face at the end of the post. I’d prefer to keep my personal communication and my blog communication separate.
So I made a deal with her. I wouldn’t talk about her or about our relationship (whatever the kind of relationship it either is or may become) if she wouldn’t read my blog, so I could have a place where I could say whatever I want (except about her, of course) without worrying about whether I sound like an asshole to her.
I wish I could tell you what we talked about (and / or did), because it was pretty interesting.”
****
Ummm….so I guess this relationship is done.
Sorry Jane. It’s not you, it’s him. Take the hint - shut up and get the hell out of this thing while you can!!!
Sorry, there’s this part that’s no clear for me. You’re still going out with Bertha or Jane’s the lucky one now? I didn’t really get who you are having sex with.
PEOPLE - it’s Bertha. On. Wednesdays. Get with the program.
Not “going out” anymore - it’s more of a “friends with benefits” type thing. On. Wednesdays.
I’m pretty sure right before H disappeared he severed contact with Bertha. He never mentioned continuing the Wednesday night thing.
Of course he didn’t mention not continuing it either.
bird, Bertha got told to take a flying fuck, remember? Right after the rotten chicken hearts. She’s no longer the Wednesday night special.
Does Jane wear her sweats to bed and still have that gray in the brown regrowth of her blonde, permed hair? She ain’t exactly Aphrodite, is she? Maybe she’s a step up from Bertha (anything would be) but it’s possible Jane’s appearance, along with the Paxil, has something to do with your lack of libido.
Harlan: Yes, pills SUCK. Sorry to say. But if it keeps you sane. Try masturbating at your own time. See if you get turned on. Maybe you have achievers anxiety. My love life is much worse. Only lame IM’s with LAME JDATE men.
cheers,
Paxil is the killer of sexor. If you switch go SLOWLY as it is also the motherfucker of withdrawals. Effexor I would stay away from if possible-just due to the withdrawals of doom. Talk to your doctor, pick something light! and fun! and maybe with a tiny umbrella in it.
Those blow up dolls NEVER work. You know the drill…not enough air - too much air. Argh! Oh, and the sexy things you were hearing from your partner was a slow leak.
Asshat and Bird - LOL!
I love you lilly!
Nothing that some duct tape and a 12V car battery won’t fix. Just expand your horizons a bit and you’ll be fine.
Joe
Well, Joe, at least you didn’t suggest a ballpeen hammer.
Thanks for the reminder Asshat - how could I have forgotten about the rotten chicken hearts?
Does writing this shit down make it more believable for you h?
Excellent comments to such a real problem, however
I’m stuck on the
‘passing time in a waiting room,
with no appt.’ Is that where you’ve been Harlan ?
We’ve got the meds (which totally makes sense to me) mentioned as a reason, mixed
in with the Maytag repairman, throw a little chickens
in, fry with that l2 v battery,stir with wolverines and,
of course, duct tape, and maybe that will help.
You just started having meaningless sex, there Harlan,
maybe as someone mentioned, you are one of those that
require love (or at least lust) to enjoy it more.
Like Lilly and her blowup doll.
Keep at it, we’re listenin’
Jaydon who is not bending over - if I was, I wouldn’t be seeing the sun, obviously. duh, guys. I mean, really.
duh.
Jaydon- now, if you bent far enough you would see it, you just have to get the whole way around to your own ass!
Joe
Better put some sunscreen on your face if you try that, Jaydon.
Paxil did this to me too. I could not orgasm which I do not have a problem with. Also the Paxil made me unable to feel emotions. It was not right for me and did not make me feel happy or normal but it works differently for each person and they have discovered that SSRI’s don’t work for everyone. Hope you get your groove on and are happy too!
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