Backsliding
Posted by harlan on 11 Jun 2008 at 04:14 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
Last night a friend left my condo. I should have been in a perfectly good mood. Instead, something shifted in my outlook, and it seemed like I slid into an alternate reality. The world lost all its color.
I cared about nothing.
In this black frame of mind, if I found out a meteor were headed towards the earth, I would sit slumped in my papasan chair and maybe say, “Eh.” If I had been on a plane and a bunch of hijackers started whooping and spraying pepper spray, I’d just stay put in my seat, staring straight ahead at the back of the seat in front of me. If I saw a baby carriage careening down a flight of stairs, I’d just watch it pass by.
This horrible black cloud hung over me for what seemed like hours, making me feel like I had been cast into an unspeakable prison, alone. I couldn’t read. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t make sense of television. I woke up this morning next to the washing machine, with no memory of how I got there.
I think I need to increase my medication.
Outlook’s been giving me trouble, too. In fact, I had to reinstall it over the weekend. Damn Outlook always has been a PITA.
Really? Sometimes my t.v. loses all its color and I can’t make any sense of it, either, but the damned thing is old enough to drink and drive. If I unplug it and let it alone for a while, eventually it comes back to its normal self. I think there’s a lesson there. Flush the happy pills down the commode and sit quietly in your papasan chair.
Alone….me too, in a crowded house.
Just breathe. The darkness will pass.
ugh……wtf? let the craziness begin again. It’s about time. We will get no answers to the previous “I’m happy posts” and go back down that road of insanity and rudeness.
“Things are shitty, therefore I’ll take a pill and feel less shitty.”
Life sucks sometimes. It’s okay. It gets better eventually. This is not going to end well if you start medicating yourself (with celexa, or booze, or whatever).
Every pill and every bit of booze and then walk out onto a very busy highway. Hurry!
I did some searching and found out Celexa is partly made of fluoride. Now that stuff is bad for you. It’s meant to do the things you’re describing, it also lowers your IQ, makes it harder to think, accumulates in bones, causes numerous cancers, and causes autism in babies. I wouldn’t take it if I was you.
Go Harlan Go!!!!!!!
Amy, it sounds like Harlan’s pretty much gone.
Bird: I think your theory is bang on…there’s a pattern to these posts here.
Harlan: As per my fellow COMMMENTATORS, self medicating is not going to help. It’s an escape mechanism and blah blah blah, psychology 101, blah blah blah.
Who was the friend who was over?
“Sometimes my t.v. loses all its color and I can’t make any sense of it, either, but the damned thing is old enough to drink and drive.”
That’s rich, Asshat!
You may need an adjustment. Call your doctor if this persists. It’ll be hard to go from feeling ok to isolation again.
Also..I’ve known people who have really benefitted from electro shock. I’m not kidding and its not scary.
Yep. A doctor’s appointment is definitely needed. From what I read about Celexa, if these worsening episodes occur, you’re supposed to taper down the dosage rather than quit cold turkey.
And if the self medication doesn’t work, maybe you can do some self electroshock. All you need is a toaster and a fork.
tagged you for a meme harlan, if you’re in the mood.
I’d be happy to donate my t.v. to the cause. Just plug it in and drop it in the bathtub during your next bath.
asshat.. that’s uncalled for.. but funny though…
harlan - are you going through withdraws? who left your condo?? you wrote of, prison.. washing machine.. no memory.. maybe bertha roofied you?!?!
It could have been Bertha. If they’d done the wolverines-in-a-dryer thing again it’d make sense that he’d wake up next to the washing machine.
I was just joking about the t.v.-in-the-tub idea, myquest. Self-medicating never is a good idea.
As was I. Never a good idea to self medicate or self electroshock. Call your doctor, Harlan. Let him determine how you need to adjust your meds.
Don’t put it off.
“Harlan” self-medicating and self-electroshock are the smartest things that have ever been suggested on this blog. Hey! The electroshock may eliminate your pre-ejaculation problem. Hell, it just may add an inch or five to that very disappointing penis of yours.
I know,I used to get that some times. Its the liquorice. I cut it out and the black clouds went away. I found the electric shocks made no difference but I got very warm dreams when I slept on the washing machine during the spin cycle.
Damn I left for a week and missed a ton
Gaw! I HAVE got to learn to skip over Lilly’s stupid comments. I really do …. How old are you? Twelve? I dunno .. you sure seem to worry a lot about Harlan’s dick.
Harlan, don’t listen to these people. If you have a chemical imbalance in your brain, you need medication. But you should also be in therapy. It sounds like you might need your medication adjusted, too. It’s not uncommon for it to take a while for your doctor to find just the right medication .. and just the right dosage. And sometimes the right meds just stop working and have to be changed.
And before you fucking jackals start jumping all over me, no, I have never had to be medicated. But, just like you, I know plenty of people who have. Your “people” probably just don’t tell you because they figure you’ll start telling them to drop a TV into their bathtub and be done with it already.
I suspect you are not taking the medication properly. First you should get completely drunk, then you’ll be relaxed enough to insert your first pill. Take it slow, and be sure to use a large round object to make sure it goes all the way in. Leave the large object in place, till you no longer feel like you have a stick in your ass. Then, when you remove it, you’ll no longer be such a tight assed whiny prick, and odds are, you might pull the original stick out of your ass at the same time!
Joe
Joe, Joe, Joe. Are you the same “Joe” who claim to have a degree in psychology?
I can’t imagine why you didn’t pursue a career helping people. Your people skills are so fine tuned. And such compassion!
I’m humbled in your presence.
love you harlan
ESOLN,
You know you will never be able to avoid my posts and honestly, it is very much my pleasure to continue to make you more sick with each read. In fact, it’s my wish that you’re blowing chunks right now.
Have a nice evening.
Lilly,
I love you and hate you at the same time. Keep the zingers coming.
as Amy would say:
Go Lilly Go!
Harlan,
The darkness comes less and less often, and eventually subsides. Soon, you will see at least a little bit of light, even in the darkest of times.
Talk therapy is AS IMPORTANT as medication, and if you are not currently going, you probably should. And if you ever feel like you have nobody at all, look through all these shit comments to find those of us who truly care for you. I’ll bet any of us would be glad to get an e-mail from you, and help you through any hard times. I know I would.
In short, if you need us, we are here for you…
To all the honest people that comment on this blog and call Harlan what he is pat yourselves on the back. This guy and his lovers are in need of some serious help.
Even Sicker of Lilly Now-
Yes, I had a double major in college actually, Psychology and Philosophy, and the only school of thought in the Psychology department I actually had any hope for was existential psychology, where you help a person to the point of seeing where they are making poor decisions, and then let it up to them to resolve it. The reason this makes the most sense is that there are many people who will go to a counseling week after week but never DO anything to try to make better choices. I guess I could have no doubt decided to make a very decent wage listening to people like Harlan here drone on and on about not being happy, and pretending to not know why. I think that’s just a little too much bullshit though, don’t you? Just from the posts here Harlan know’s why he’s not happy, but wants to blame the rest of the world. Just like YOU want to blame everyone else for all the problems.
Its a blog, if Harlan doesn’t want the comments, he should turn them off.
Now, fuck off. :)
Joe
Couldn’t have said it better myself, Joe.
Have a wonderful weekend!
GO JOE GO!
No thanks Joe, I don’t think I feel like fuckin’ off just yet. (But aren’t you the clever one to come up with that?)
Just because random people have left comments instructing Harlan, doesn’t mean that Harlan should “know why he’s not happy”. Do you honestly believe that this blog can substitute for cognitive therapy with a qualified professional?! Why? Because you’re here, leaving comments? Joe, my man, you amaze me. You are one arrogant motherfucker, ya know that? Thank God you didn’t become a mental health care provider. You have the compassion of a rattle snake.
And Lilly? You’re right - you couldn’t have said it better yourself. In fact, I haven’t heard you say anything well. Between you and the little birdies here who chime in with “You go!” and then sit back and chortle, I have to wonder if you’re even a grown up.
I’ve read every word of this blog, including the comments, and I have enjoyed the hell out of. Joe, you’ve made me laugh, as has Asshat. But your comments have a different “feel” to them. Asshat just pops in with something funny … but your comments strike me as mean spirited and personal.
And I don’t see where anyone is claiming that Harlan hasn’t made a lot of mistakes and done some fairly jackass things. He is responsible for his own actions, and so he should be. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a chemical imbalance that needs to be addressed.
Where did I say that I want to “blame everyone else for all the problems”? Ya wanna show me that? Just because I show the guy some compassion and encouragement doesn’t give you enough facts to decide that I “want to blame everyone else for all the problems”. I guess you pulled that one out of your ass, eh doc? Well, feel free to put it right back up there.
Me? I like to stick to the facts. I’m not sure ANYONE has said Harlan’s choices have been acceptable, with the possible exception of Harlan himself, who has a chemical imbalance in his brain. He’s sick.
And I can’t speak for all those people you claim go to counseling week after week and yet do nothing to try to make better choices. Who are these people? If you’re talking about Harlan, to my knowledge he just recently went on medication and has not yet had the benefit of actual therapy. Don’t you think we should cut him a little slack until he makes his own mistakes? AFTER he balances his brain chemicals, that is. At least he’s trying. What do you suggest? Leave nasty comments and ridicule him and anyone who encourages him?
Do you really think that’s gonna work? Or maybe you just don’t care. Maybe you’re just here taking out your aggressions. You sound like a really angry person. But then, bullies usually are, aren’t they?
I’ve never been a member of a Book Club but I suspect if the Book Club members included the kind hearted naive, the slutty, the violent, and the opinionated that they would resemble Harlan’s Commenters (who may or may not be the same person). I love reading Harlan’s posts but it’s the comments that keep me coming back.
Hey Harlan
One down day doesn’t necessarily mean a change of medication. Let the ups and downs come naturally - adjusting your medication every time you feel a change is gonna fuck you up…keep your body in a constant state of flux. It will get better.
ESOLN
Assuming this blog is factual is quite a leap of faith.
I’m with-Even sicker of Lily now.
I’m glad you care.
I do too.
Thanks for saying all I would have liked to say ESOLN.
ESOLN -
My age should not be of issue here. I, as well as you, (based on what you said) have read every post and every comment on this blog. The fact that you do not recognize the trainwreck, lies and deception is beyond me. If I am rallying behind other people who comment here, it is merely out of the faith in the bottom line of everyone’s belief/disbelief in the supposed factuality of this blog. Sorry if my “playing along” offends you. I may have piped in late, but you have piped in later than me.
Hey, Harlan. How’s it going?
ESOLN,
For the love of GAWD, save your breath. Nobody gives a shit.
Oh ya, and bite me!
By the way Joe…congrat’s on being crowned an ‘arrogant motherfucker’ with the compassion of a ‘rattle snake’. That’s way better than the Queen of Vitriol. Apparently I need to work a bit harder.
Honestly, it’s more than obvious that you would make an amazing psychologist. Unfortunately the ones who would benefit the most from your honesty spend all of their time resisting. It’s like they’re all cut from the same cloth. The self-imposed victims who reassure one another that their dysfunction is okay because they are all blameless.
I bet ESOLN has hairy armpits/legs, wears long muslin skirts, worn-out Berkenstocks and drives a 1972 Volvo stationwagon.
Ewwww.
Hey Lilly! Finally! You said something amusing. Completely WRONG, but still amusing, at least to me, albeit probably not terribly amusing to anyone who doesn’t know me here.
Joe, you must be so proud to have her on your team.
Incidentally Lil’, I think you mean “oh yeah”, and not “oh ya” which is essentially the same as “oh you”. I could be wrong and perhaps you did mean to say “oh you”, but I don’t think so.
Yeah, I’m just fuckin’ with ya now (see how I did that?) You’re welcome.
Harlan? Are you ok? Hope things are going ok, don’t let whatever it is beat you, fight the downward spiral! Do what it takes to get things adjusted if this is med related.
Take care
ESOLN-
Nope, I do not counsel, I fix computers. You don’t have to convince a motherboard it’s bad, you replace it. I guess you are right, H is just as happy as a pig in shit, I don’t know how I missed that. You might have read every post and comment, but if you think he’s happy, then there is a huge issue with your reading comprehension.
Now, does he have an imbalance? Perhaps, child molesters do, it’s a fact, as do most sex offenders. The behavior is still a choice, due the the fact that we as human beings are presented with impulses and then decide to act or not act based on them. For instance, the impulse to steal. Many people no doubt have thought about stealing something, and additionally, many have stolen I’m sure, but our buddy H has done so and sees nothing wrong with it. He then blames all of society when he gets caught, and bitches about the big meanie judge holding someone else accountable.
I’m sorry, you can cheer on that behavior all you want, I think if one chooses to be a complete asshole in life, then they deserve some of the misery that comes with it.
If that’s “mean spirited” or “bully like” of me, I fail to see how (actually, throwing a plate of half eaten take out into the middle of the street, and then wishing the person who told you littering isn’t nice would not have had a child might be considered “mean spirited”), but it’s nice to see that Harlan gets all your compassion, and posters here who simply call it like they see it get none. Oh, and I don’t want your compassion either, by the way, but the lack of it shows your hypocrisy.
Typical
Joe
Oh. and Lilly, thanks for the compliment. I hope you can up your postings to the level of rattlesnake. I think they are quite good, but it looks like it’s time to take the gloves off if you want to make an impression :)
Go get em!
Joe
Joe~
Maybe YOUR reading comprehension skills aren’t quite what they should be. At no time did I indicate that I condone Harlan’s actions. In fact, I said he has done some fairly jackass things. Nor did I say that I thought he was happy - he’s obviously not. Further, my lack of compassion for YOUR assholery is not proof of hypocrisy. I actually hold sick people to a little different standard. Apparently that’s an offensive concept to you, but I won’t apologize for it. If you had no legs, I wouldn’t think you were lazy if you refused to walk. I am assuming (and correct me here if I’m wrong) that you do NOT have a chemical imbalance in your brain? You’re just a self-righteous, every day, run-of-the-mill fuckstick? In other words, just another TYPICAL bully, trying to twist words.
You’re not even funny anymore. You’re just mean. Stay with your motherboards, computer nerd. They’ll never disappoint and refuse to take your brilliant advice when you hand it down. That’s what really pisses ya off, isn’t it? Here you are, TELLING this guy what would help, and he’s behaving as though …. as though … he doesn’t know you from fuckin’ Adam! As though you are just some guy commenting on his blog, who claims to have all the answers! Shit, people can sure be infuriating, can’t they, dude?
Yeah, stick to computers.
ESOLN…breath! Come on now…in through your nose and out through your ass. Hopefully you’ll be able to regain your composure. You’ve officially blown a gasket, darlin’ and in doing so, you’re the one sounding like a ROYAL fuckstick. Actually, you sound just like Harlan….hmmm.
Joe, may I congratulate you once again on your ‘assholery’…damn, you’re good!
Haha! Figures you would accuse me of being Harlan. So full of theories …. yet always wrong. Poor lil’ Lil’.
I haven’t lost my composure, but I am finished with Joe. You’re more like a bothersome little fly, but fuck it, I’m finished with you, too. Harlan’s blog is about Harlan, not about some bitter computer geek in PA and some silly little girl wherever the fuck you are.
Harlan, I hope you’re doing better today. You asked why bother? Because it can only get better. Good luck!
esol,
It’s so very obvious that you are completely composed. Honest. I swear.
Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzz.
ESOLN- So, let me get this straight, you have diagnosed that Harlan has a chemical imbalance (might you enlighten us as to what that is, by the way, Serotonin, Dopamaine?) Or perhaps it’s the receptors that are lacking, so THAT is why Harlan has his issues.
And of COURSE you deduced this by the fact that some doctor has put him on feel good meds, right? I mean, no one EVER gets feel good meds if they don’t need them.
AND you completely ignored the part about Child Molestors and other sexual deviants having the very same imbalance, as I’m sure even you don’t want to say you feel sorry for them, like you do our buddy Harlan here.
So- to recap, someone who replies honestly, in a way you do not like, on a blog is an asshole, but the person, who writes the blog, and has admitted to doing said asshole things, get’s a pass due to a percieved chemical imbalance. Furthermore, sexual deviants who claim the same imbalance (and have studies to back them up) get zero sympathy from you.
Why are the rules different for Harlan again? I’m confused. Please, oh wise one, clear it up for me.
Joe
Yikes, Harlan call your doc. This med could be giving you this side effect. I’m still serious about the TB show but you never emailed me.