Way Too Late for a Phone Call
Posted by harlan on 03 Jun 2008 at 09:35 pm | Tagged as: marking time
Without giving away what time zone I live in, it’s definitely too late for a phone call right now. Especially on a work night. But I just got a call.
From Jane.
She asked me why I stole her plant, even though I’m pretty sure she knows why I stole it. So (and I cannot believe I said this), I said it would be easier to explain in person.
She said, “Fine, explain it in person.”
“Now?”
“Whatever.”
So. I’m leaving to go talk to Jane. More soon.
Who is this Jane character? Any old-school readers care to fill me in?
Jane…admired by Harlan at his prior place of employment. If I remember correctly, he wanted to be “close” to Jane. He couldn’t get his confidence up to get a piece of her in the traditional sense of the word, so he took a piece of her (her plant) from her office. I believe he intended on returning the plant, and may have, but not before Jane confronted him about it. She apparently read his blog at some point and it creeped her out a little. This is how I remember it, but it’s been a while so I might be a little off.
You should go back and read the blog from the beginning. Harlan’s a great writer.
Harlan, I am so hoping Jane sexes you tonight.
I tried listing the 5 links or so that would fully explain Jane, but it didn’t post. I guess it’s an anti-spam thing. Anyway, go back to Feb 21st and read that post. That pretty much sums it up.
Yes, indeed Harlan did return Jane’s plant. The very night he took it, in fact. How she even knew that he took it in the first place stil is not clear, as I’m sure she wasn’t up to having an in-depth conversation with a pseudo-stalker.
I have read this blog from the beginning, and this is my first comment. I have to say that the people who take their joy in cutting others down irritate and disgust me. No matter if these things are really going on in his life, the author of this blog is a real person, with real feelings.
Do I think this is a “real blog” whatever that means? Yes I do. I also think that he started by exaggerating a couple things here and there, because that’s what people with Social Anxiety Disorder do in order to be accepted. The more comments and attention the blog got, the more extensive the exaggerations.
Here are my opinions… Jane, and the whole plant incident, completely real. Everything about it rings true to me.
Compulsive theft from Wally-World. Not so much. The first time it was mentioned (when talking about where he got his sister her christmas present) seemed like it tried to be a joke, that everyone here took waaaaay too seriously. When everyone assumed he really had stolen it, he continued in that vein. Why? Because all of the readers here have such hysterical reactions.
Richard, true, and hopefully a good friend.
Bertha, partially true. A bad blind date for sure, but I doubt as drama filled as the story says. The phone calls which followed the date were probably 1 or 2 calls that said, Hey, I feel bad about last night, can you give me another chance…? The relationship from there, well I’m sure Richard is right and she was fully mis-represented here. Again, with her actions being made much more intense than they actually were making her seem a bit crazy.
Celexa, definately true, and definately needs to be adjusted. Increased rage is just one of a myriad of side effects and should be watched closely.
Harlan, I believe that you are real, I believe that you are lonely, and I believe that when you started this you just wanted to reach out, to be in touch with another human soul. Now, I believe you have found the joy in fucking with your readers. And for the most part, they deserve it. Anyone who can’t figure out sarcasm deserves to be fucked with.
For what it’s worth, if I were Jane, I wouldn’t have freaked out so badly about the plant in the first place.
Then again, my husband has 4 personalities, I like my men a bit damaged it seems.
Yes, indeed Harlan did return Jane’s plant. The very night he took it, in fact. How she even knew that he took it in the first place still is not clear, as I’m sure she wasn’t up to having an in-depth conversation with a pseudo-stalker.
I have read this blog from the beginning, and this is my first comment. I have to say that the people who take their joy in cutting others down irritate and disgust me. No matter if these things are really going on in his life, the author of this blog is a real person, with real feelings.
Do I think this is a “real blog” whatever that means? Yes I do. I also think that he started by exaggerating a couple things here and there, because that’s what people with Social Anxiety Disorder do in order to be accepted. The more comments and attention the blog got, the more extensive the exaggerations.
Here are my opinions… Jane, and the whole plant incident, completely real. Everything about it rings true to me.
Compulsive theft from Wally-World. Not so much. The first time it was mentioned (when talking about where he got his sister her christmas present) seemed like it tried to be a joke, that everyone here took waaaaay too seriously. When everyone assumed he really had stolen it, he continued in that vein. Why? Because all of the readers here have such hysterical reactions.
Richard, true, and hopefully a good friend.
Bertha, partially true. A bad blind date for sure, but I doubt as drama filled as the story says. The phone calls which followed the date were probably 1 or 2 calls that said, Hey, I feel bad about last night, can you give me another chance…? The relationship from there, well I’m sure Richard is right and she was fully mis-represented here. Again, with her actions being made much more intense than they actually were making her seem a bit crazy.
Celexa, definately true, and definately needs to be adjusted. Increased rage is just one of a myriad of side effects and should be watched closely.
Harlan, I believe that you are real, I believe that you are lonely, and I believe that when you started this you just wanted to reach out, to be in touch with another human soul. Now, I believe you have found the joy in fucking with your readers. And for the most part, they deserve it. Anyone who can’t figure out sarcasm deserves to be fucked with.
For what it’s worth, if I were Jane, I wouldn’t have freaked out so badly about the plant in the first place.
Then again, my husband has 4 personalities, I like my men a bit damaged it seems.
Oatmeal that was …lengthy. Refrain.
At first Harlan, I assumed that you stole the plant off Jane’s porch after going over the other night as I didn’t know about the older posts about her because I’m reasonably new.
I’m not critisizing, I just wanted to help so it doesn’t confuse others.
eh, it was my first comment here, I thought I would vent everything all at once… Future comments (if there are any) will be shorter.
That’s better. The last “Jane” post was too weak to stand on its own. I’m hoping that the next post will be a wolverines-in-a-dryer sexual conquest of Jane. Of course, that post should be followed by an “I fibbed again” retraction that a night-time tryst with Jane never happened and a long, weepy confession that Celexa has ruined your libido.
I liked how the last post ended much better. It made me lol.
Hmmm, why in person?
I thought you decided you were over her…
Get ready folks…the next post will either be ‘I lied’, ’she set me up and I’m in jail’ OR ‘we made wild passionate love for 1.5 seconds, I squirted everywhere but where I should have, she bent my dick and then I cried’.
Author is desperate.
You are great. Seriously great. Talented, smart, funny…why is it that the asshole dipshits are always the ones who get all of the love and attention and great people like you seem to run in the background.
I think you’re amazing and I will continue to read with pleasure.
Oh, and Lilly….suck a bag of dicks.
Lilly you just spoiled the ending for everyone. Bitch
Oatmeal (Harlan) Your verbal incontinence is exhausting, but if you’ve been reading from the start without commenting, I’m guessing that you were fairly bottled up. Mix in a little fiber with your diet and just maybe your life and comments will be a little more regular. Sounds like you need it. Although you claim to be a long time reader, you sound more like one of the holdovers from Crystal’s bleeding heart blog. If anyone deserves to be fucked with, it’s you. You’re crying out for it. Finally, if you believe this swill Harlan throws out in his blog, please try to refrain from responding to those emails from Nigeria.
Harlan - what’s next, a reunion with girl from the Xmas party? Remember the mistletoe kiss?
Lilly - I love you.
Dave
Wow. Do you seriously think your anonymity would be blown to hell if people knew what time zone you lived in? The only person who’d be likely to care is Amy, and she probably doesn’t know about time zones.
Michelle, it sounds like you and Harlan would make a perfect couple…although, his minuscule-flaccid-dick is most likely far more than you could ever handle.
Dave…muooh!
You people are bullies.
If you are so disinterested in what he writes and believe it is all bullshit, why do you bother to continuing to come here at all? Do you have nothing else in your life? Does it make you feel powerful?
Your white hot agression turns me on. Seriously. So hot.
Go call your Jersey mall hair, white trash girlfriend, hop into your Hummer (nice penis) and drive down to the club for a few drinks with the other bully assholes who never grew out of their dickish, high school behavior either.
Lilly, I’m good to go but thanks for your concern.
GO MICHELLE GO!
Michelle??? Someone give her a standing 8 count, or is she out cold?
Nice shot Lilly.
xoxoxo
Dave
Whatevs.
Here for Harlan, done with you.
Whatevs?? That honestly explains the go-Harlan-go-I-don’t-care-that-you’re-a-lying-stealing-stalking-guiltless-psycho mentality.
Thanks for that, it helps. And let’s face it…this is all about me!
Hi, Dave? Fuck you. And your mother.
How’s that for bleeding heart, you windbag.
Sounds like Jane’s boyfriend dumped her or her philodendron died or she saw some bully kicking a puppy. What else could possibly explain her lapse of judgement?
Perhaps it’s time for *everyone* to adjust their meds.
Maybe Jane also needs her medication adjusted.
Crystal - you’re getting the hang of it, bless your little bleeding heart. Strong work. Is that you or your Celexa talking? Or are you getting a little grumpy because your boyfriend’s batteries are low?
Jesus, how did I miss late February? A lot of serious shit happened that month.
Oh well. I like the bullies and I like the concerned believers. Keep it up!
What happened to Ernest? Harlan, did you stop using him as a comments character?
While I appreciate the compliment, no, I am not Harlan. Yes, I did come over from Crystal’s blog. (Hi Crystal, you’re awesome!) I never claimed to be a long time reader, just that I have read this from the beginning. Computers are good like that. Why do you think it’s all so fresh in my mind?
I have also seen comments longer than mine that were full of vitriol and contempt. Nobody asked them to “refrain”. So you comment police, can very kindly, go fuck yourselves.
Harlan, I hope your night turned out well, and that perhaps Jane came to her senses and wanted to apologize for freaking out before even giving you the benefit of the doubt and speaking to you about her problems.
Ernest had a sex change, Kristian, then disappeared.
Crystal and Oatmeal, Don’t bother taking on the negative talkers, they’re assholes. Really the best thing you can do is keep up the postive comments and ignore everything else. I too root in Harlen’s corner. I even empthise with some of his problems. I wish the more supportive people would speak up but I’m guessing they just don’t have the time to engage in written fistacuffs with the lonely bullies who troll on here. I think Harlen is a good guy, he makes mistakes but overall, I like him and I hope that things start to go well for him. And I hope both of you stay on, I like you as well.
Why are you full of hatred about doorbells?
Michelle, the losers that come here to bash Harlan with no explanation as to why they continue to come here if they hate it so much, have decided in their little minds that their banal comments and good writing skills somehow make them the real stars of the show here. Sadly, Harlan giving them recognition has fueled it.
They will never give an explanation as to why the come here even though they hate it so much because they have no explanation other than “I’m a jerk wad and noticed Harlan’s blog getting more popular and the more lame ass material I write, the more likely I will someday be known as one of the pioneers of this place and that strokes my penis a little more than my 400-pound bearded wife does”.
That’s why I quit commenting a long time ago, it gives them more of an audience.
GAW!!! Lilly almost ruins this blog. Her lame comments have been irritating all along, so it’s nice to see that I’m not the only one who finds her about as much fun as a headache.
Maybe she and Dave should meet up. They sound like they’re cut out of the same cloth.
Right there with you, RC. :) Thanks.
Took me about 5 seconds to realize I was talking to the wall.
Except dumber.
What did you have for supper tonight? Did you grab a take away to share with Jane? Are you going to discuss this in a neutral spot, like an all nigh restaurant? You know people are not your thing but this could be a top class food and fine dining blog. All you got to do is add the unique selling point of escaping out the lavatory window when the cheque comes and you will be in the bloggies two years running. Ground floor restaurants of the xxst coast of America. Base jumping from toilets 50 storeys up. The ability to strain our credulity to spanning point and beyond.
Please?
That’s a thought, Rusty, but credulity around here’s already past any spanning. Even Oatmeal senses some exaggeration. Toilet leaping wouldn’t add a thing.
Besides that, Amy’s the resident foodie here, Rusty.
Yeah, Dave and Lilly, the same loincloth!!
Just kidding. Lilly, I’d bone you anyday. If I had a penis. And you were a man. Or something.
I think Harlan’s full of shit, but I’m waiting for the great expose. If he’s not full of shit, eventually his Celexa will make him come out of the woodwork and say “Here is who I am, folks,” complete with a picture. Either way, I’ll be sated. I don’t come here all the time, maybe a few times a week. But it’s almost more fun to read the comments than anything.
play nice kids. Harlan’s a jerk. A likeable jerk. This is loads more fun than our shitty English soap operas but Harlan don’t need defending or castigating.
Aren’t BAND OF HORSES cool????
How come no-one has mentioned the comment by “Richard” about the meal? This confirmed my view of things….Harlan is a real bloke; he’s just prone to massive exaggeration. He takes a situation - like he did actually go for a meal with Richard the other day - has a wayward thought which turns into a complete fantasy and decides it’s more interesting than the original. Why not, this is an anonymous blog after all.
I’ll keep reading, even though most of it is bollocks. Because whether the portrayal he chooses to put up here is real or imagined it’s still a real person writing it.
Back in college, I was a waitress. The people who come to this blog daily to rip it apart remind me of the people who came to the restaurant and licked their plates clean…then complained about the food.
I still say we’re all here for the same reason. Harlan is a great writer.