Time to Catch Up With Old Friends
Posted by harlan on 28 May 2008 at 11:46 am | Tagged as: talking to the void
I used to complain so much about how I am so alone, but I’m starting to realize that a lot of this is because I never asked anyone out. I don’t think I’ve ever had a group of people over for a birthday party in my adult life. I don’t ever make efforts to make or keep friends. I don’t even stay in friendly contact with my family.
I need to fix that, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I have the courage to do so. Here’s a list of the people I’m going to get back in touch with today, and try to see if I can repair what used to be good relationships.
- Richard: He was a good officemate and introduced me to Bertha. The fact that Bertha and I didn’t work out isn’t his fault.
- Jane: I was creepy to her before. I admit that freely. But I’m not creepy anymore. She needs to get to know the real me.
- My Sister: I’ve been angry at her for years because she kept telling me to get help. Now I’ve gotten some help (Celexa!) and it turns out she was right. I wonder what my sister would do if I called her up and said without irony, “You know, you were right. I got help. I feel better. Thank you.”
I’m also going to try to start developing new relationships. I’ve asked Stan to go out with me to lunch this Friday.
On an unrelated note, I made a note of the license plate of the jerk who beat me up yesterday. It’s a vanity license plate, on a silver Porsche Boxster. The text of the vanity plate is exactly what you’d expect it to be: “FASTER.”
Oh, please.
It occurs to me that if one were to exchange three of the letters on that license plate for a different three letters, the license plate would be more accurate, though perhaps less self-aggrandizing.
It also occurs to me that I have a color photo printer with a reasonable stock of glossy photo paper, and that clear adhesive plastic can be easily acquired at any office supply store.
When might I expect my invitation to the party?
Don’t go messing with the license plate. That’s also a crime.
it’s always a party here at the comment section of your blog!
whats the 3 letters…??
Don’t be a moron, Harlan. Contact Richard, leave poor Jane alone, tell your sister “thanks,” and don’t touch the license plate! As people have already said, being on happy pills doesn’t give you an excuse to be an idiot. Even people on Celexa go to jail when they do stupid things.
My scrabble is really bad. What would those letters be?
Anyway, I suppose it’s a crime if you do it on your own car But if you do it on someone else’s, wearing appropriate latex gloves…..
Come on commenters you are off your game today…..AST goes UCK
Better leave it alone Harlan!
My advice is to definitely fuck with that guys license plate and do it in broad daylight. Also, call Jane and profess your love for her. I’m sure she will be very receptive and totally agree that you are no longer creepy.
By the way? When are you going to do your time in jail for stealing? I know this question has been asked before but you refuse to answer. And what about that community service bullshit?
No - No - No!!!
NOT JANE!
I can’t wait. Oh where are all the sunshine and love fuckers from a few posts ago? Our boy H is back to his dickhead self, looking at falsifying state property (the plate belongs to the state that issued it, not the driver, and altering it is a crime). Oh and the best part will be how it will somehow be everyone elses fault when H here plasters his little printed out sign on the car, gets caught by the garage security cameras, and is in front of the big mean judge again who just has it out for him after all.
I mean, for GOD sake, the guy asked him to smile! Thats just like telling you he want’s to ass fuck your sister while you hold the ky.
Joe
I’ll play - faster - bastard ?
Stay away from him and his license plate and Jane, Harlan. She’ll be slapping you with a restraining order faster than you can
say ’smile, Jane’
I’m glad you’re feeling more social, although it’s
a huge change in attitude to your sister from being
so pissed off (aka wishing her dead) to thanking her
in one day.
I don’t advocate that celexa is the be all and end all
especially if it makes you aggressive to that point.
I hope that was an isolated incident. Today is what
we have. Make it a good one, you know, so you
can ’smile’ instead of pushing guys who just want you
to smile:)
If Richard is still reading your blog, he should give
you a call. I don’t remember why you stopped talking
to him.
Did Stan say yes to lunch? You bet you have to reach
out to meet NEW people, leave the porsche dude and
Jane in the past where they belong. As far as your
sister goes, that seems like a true l80 so I would
wait to make sure you are feeling that way consistently.
If she says something to piss you off, then what ?
Back to death wishes amplified ? I still would like
to know what dosage you are on and how often you are
going to see the dr. You are absolutely responsible
for ALL actions, as just me said.
I’ll be ‘thinking good thoughts’ for you!
I’ll play - faster - bastard ?
Stay away from him and his license plate and Jane, Harlan. She’ll be slapping you with a restraining order faster than you can
say ’smile, Jane’
I’m glad you’re feeling more social, although it’s
a huge change in attitude to your sister from being
so pissed off (aka wishing her dead) to thanking her
in one day.
I don’t advocate that celexa is the be all and end all
especially if it makes you aggressive to that point.
I hope that was an isolated incident. Today is what
we have. Make it a good one, you know, so you
can ’smile’ instead of pushing guys who just want you
to smile:)
If Richard is still reading your blog, he should give
you a call. I don’t remember why you stopped talking
to him.
Did Stan say yes to lunch? You bet you have to reach
out to meet NEW people, leave the porsche dude and
Jane in the past where they belong. As far as your
sister goes, that seems like a true l80 so I would
wait to make sure you are feeling that way consistently.
If she says something to piss you off, then what ?
Back to death wishes amplified ? I still would like
to know what dosage you are on and how often you are
going to see the dr. You are absolutely responsible
for ALL actions, as just me said.
I’ll be ‘thinking good thoughts’ for you!
Jaydon, your guess is wrong, but it’s actually a better idea than mine.
Bill aka Lilly, I owe you nothing.
Jane: Don’t go there.
And leave Zig and his car alone.
The dude already roughed you up once, what do you think he’ll do to you when you screw with his car? (although I will admit it’s a pretty funny idea).
Why not funnel your newfound surge of testosterone into bagging the FedEx babe?
Mess with that man’s car and you’ll be the first one he suspects. You sure you want to go there?
No. You must repair to a remote monastery and train for years, returning unexpectedly to defeat Three-Punch Boxster Man.
>__<
However, I still think ‘vanity’ plates are cool. (We just call them ‘personalised’ plates, here.) The one on my motorcycle would say ‘SQUID’, except that was taken, so I had to go with ‘5QUID’.
Five quid. Hur, hur. The plate cost me NZ$700.
‘FASTER’ is definitely ultra-super-duper-wanky, though.
But, assuming he likes to leave the roof off his Boxster, why not just pour a few litres of used engine oil all over the upholstery?
Better first make sure the parking lot doesn’t have security cameras, though.
I just used ‘though’ twice in one post, in identical fashion.
How gauche.
You should def call your sister. She’ll be so happy that you’re finally feeling good. Believe me.
You don’t answer the questions because it’s all bullshit.
While I’m not saying you shouldn’t reach out to your old friends, new friends can be great too. New first impressions, new interests, new memories. Start with something you really enjoy and would like to share with someone else.
Get back with Richard, leave Jane alone, thank your sister, mess with the guy’s license plate/car, but don’t get caught.
And tell us what happened with the jailtime, the community service, and the second job.
And while you’re at it, your Celexa should help you score with the Fed-Ex chick. Has it improved your squash game as well? (Or whatever it was that you were playing at the gym)
Bill aka Joe aka Lilly, why do you post as three different people? I can’t tell any of the voices apart, so it seems like kind of a waste, unless you find it helpful to bolster your attacks with a self-made chorus. It’s funny that you constantly accuse me of being fake, when it is easily provable that at least 2/3 of you are.
I’d just like to say that as far as I can tell from his writings on the interblag, that fellow Dan who posted earlier is a thoroughly charming man, wonderful in all respects.
If only I could be more like him!
Silence! I kill you!
Good for you Harlan!!! I second Kristian in order to know what happened with your second job and your Raquetball sessions
do it harlan, change that f*ckers licence plate! now that celexa gave you your balls back! Steal his gascap too.
Dude, you don’t want to tell people what car the guy drives and what his plate reads. Somewhere, someone has access to a license plate database and is about to reveal your identity.
Yep, I’m not real. It can’t possibly be that three whole people in the world think that you are a dick. It HAS to be just one with three different identities.
I like my posts, and I like my name, I have posted my real name in other replies, my login is usually my full name josephjhaney, however I was testing a new browser when I first posted on this blog, so I shortened it in the interest of time, and I’m joe here. I am pretty sure my posts at fattys blog are under joe as well, since my first post there was with the same browser.
It’s Firefox 3 Beta 5 on Ubuntu. I tried in the past to post from the same browser but from behind a firewall, and something must have been blocking because it would show as posting successful, but not go though. This machine isn’t behind a firewall, so it allows the postings.
But of course all of us are one, how else could you explain it being everyone else in the world being fucked up, and it’s all their fault, not your shitty decision making.
Oh, and by the way, I have never accused you of being fake, go check my posts, the closest I came was to say you’re EITHER delusional OR fake, I have come down on the side of delusional.
Joe
Whoa, looks like you’re the guy who needs ‘faster’ on your plate. No wonder you’re so pissed off little man. I think we all would be if we were such sexual failures.
Joe, I consider it a compliment that this idiot thinks we are one in the same. I agree with most everything you say, although I believe he’s delusional AND fake.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well Lilly, When I posted first, I got the compliment of being more vitrolic than you. My first post came after the “dropped your smile” post. I just couldn’t take it anymore, the fact that this douchebag thought that someone telling him he might want to smile was somehow an invasion of his personal space, and that he wanted to even at that point key his car, or some other shitty behavior. I had been reading since I was pointed here by Fatty during the bloggies, and the first few times I had some sympathy. But then it just kept getting worse. Keep in mind that along with this blog I’m reading another where a man is watching his wife battle for her life with cancer, and you’ll see where I don’t have a lot of time for our buddy H and his poor me attitude.
At any rate, nice to meet you too Lilly. I do think our boy H here is real thought, and that makes it all the more sad.
Joe
Guys like me come out of the woodwork when word games are the bait. While I’m quite certain that Sunney nailed it (5th comment down), I wanted to at least entertain other possibilities. With 3 letters allowed to change, there are plenty of permutations. Here are some that might fit given your description of him:
belter flamer rotter
badger wacker bitter
fibber fuhrer hurter
jester wanker mauler
These are lame, granted. I’m just saying that the word morphing exercise, as stated, was very broad.
It’s too bad you didn’t consider a more subtle putdown. What if you’d approached him in the lot and said that you had no reason to agree with Ralphie on the Sopranos when he told some kid from the Hamptons that his old man’s Boxster was a Porsche in panties; that it’s no Turbo Carrera? By quoting someone else, you’d spare yourself the ass whuppin’, but you’d kinda get your dig in anyway.
Obvious attempt to get people back to your word game H, but nobody cares. Entertain this…you’re a ‘faster fucker’ than just about anyone.
You win.
Oh yeah, contacting Jane is a GREAT idea.
Don’t you remember awhile back when I told you that when (what seems to be) a really great idea pops into your head, DON’T do it!?
“I’m not creepy anymore.” I’m to be laughing about that one for a week.
Great job on the word game, Prof. Blown. I’ll just bet you wow them at acrostics, too. Maybe you should turn pro. I have to ask you, though, don’t you think the Porsche-in-panties remark would have gotten Harlan a fist in the throat as surely as his lame remark about his sister?
It is a sad comment on the commenters here, though, that so many of them had a difficult time guessing the word “fucker.” Maybe they’re too genteel to be familiar with the word but I doubt it.
Let me get this straight. You’re facing jail time for shoplifting, you’re guilty of assault (so far, no charges), and you’re contemplating vandalism and defamation of character? I’d suggest you start shopping for tattoos. They’ll impress your cellmates and might afford you some small bit of protection. You should also join a gym and start working out. The stronger you are, the better off you’ll be. Don’t bother learning to dance. “Going to the Prom” in prison parlance doesn’t actually involve dancing.
Is it just me, or does anyone else sense the rising crank-tone of replies since Mr. H. started on the pills? What gives here? Revese medication by osmosis effect?
Merlin, DO NOT contact Jane. Onward and sideways - backward’s never an option.
Fran: There is only 3 of us on this site. You, Harlan and me.
Oooo, I like “wanker!” You should go with that one.
I dare you.
Fran: We are all settled in our lawn chairs on the grassy hill overlooking the site of the expected train wreck. Occasionally one of us jumps up and tries to get the engineer’s attention. I agree that the tone of those attempts is escalating. When the train wrecks, this blog will disappear. Could be soon. I will miss it.
Let’s grease the tracks. Harlan, go ahead and take Amy’s dare.
just change the A to an I
Haaaaa!
*applauds Russ*
It’s gotta be Fucker.
So, it’s okay for ahem, some of you to say that Harlan
is not a real person, and if I’m not mistaken, one
of the 3 of you, decided I wasn’t real either.
Now, look at you 3 - Harlan has the beauty of having
all your ISP’s - or does that mean nothing ?
I don’t like feeding fuel to the fire with the porsche
guy - although there were some great ideas, stay away
from him. You’ll be the first one the cops come to.
Bill, Joe, Lilly
If you hate it so much why are you still here?
I alone am real. Bow before me.
God, this is just annoying. Who even cares. I’ve stopped bothering to even reply to this garbage. He’s ridiculously full of shit, people, and calling other people out for being “fake” is a distraction from the fact that he’s writing a blog for school, with less updates now, because it’s summer, and dude has an internship or a life worth living. If he was as alone as he makes himself out to be, wouldn’t he be blogging constantly? Think about it.
i believe in you Harlan!
Be original already-
Never said I hated it. I like reading about lots of things I might not approve of. I read horror stories on a regular basis, I like Police drama (Jeffrey Deaver in particular) but that doesn’t mean I approve of the killers in the books. It just so happens this story is told in the first person view of an individual I don’t think is making good choices, and that’s what I have stated here again and again.
I find it truly amazing that people are here saying THAT is cruel. He’s miserable, for the most part, and it’s his own doing. And somehow those of us who point that out are part of the problem. Denial, it’s NOT just a river anymore :)
Joe
Oh, and to the nimrod above, it’s IP not ISP, though I suppose knowing that comcast provides my connection would be amazingly helpful as well.
Joe
“Sunshine and love fuckers” are still here, Joe. Thanks for asking. Love to the wife and kids and all that.
Celexa all around!
Oh, Joe, will you accept my apology for being the
nimrod - did you not see me ask right after ?
”does that mean nothing ”?after I asked. The reason
I asked was that I wasn’t sure, although we can
agree, that he does know his computers, non Joe?
Knowing that comcast provides my connection does
nothing for me, either - oh, double nimrod me bud,
it hurts, it really hurts.
Puhleeze. Darn, Harlan, I missed this place for only
2 days.! I’ll have to catch up - tell me that Jane
isn’t on the horizon for the 4th and 5th.
Puhleeze.
Crystal - great comment.