No More Questions from Mary
Posted by harlan on 06 May 2008 at 06:58 am | Tagged as: marking time
Mary, the evangelical at work asks me a question about my relationship with Jesus practically every day I come into the office. I was starting to take it personally, until I notice that she spreads it around.
So you know how when someone keeps bugging you in a certain way you start thinking of what you’re going to say to that person the next time they do that thing? Well, last night I figured out what I would say to her.
And then this morning, when she asked me if I had “thanked Jesus for this glorious day,” I replied:
“I wonder what Jesus thinks about all that porn you look at during working hours.”
She walked away without saying a word, fast and stiff.
I consider this the proudest moment of my entire life.
fabulous come back
Right on!
Classic.
ZING!
ooo SNAP!
Ohh to have been a fly on the wall. And what is so priceless about it is she can’t talk to anybody about it because then she would be outing her porn hobby….so she gets to stew about it wondering if you will do anything with this info.
Good job Harlan!!
I’m very happy you grew a backbone. And a penis. You should get her to replace Bertha
From what you said about your interview and hiring, it sounds like this company doesn’t have an HR department.
Even though she’ll probably never tell anyone, I think you should be thankful for that.
My testicles grew three sizes today.
Of course now everyone will know you’re the office internet snitch, if they didn’t already.
zing.. says it well
i dont believe you actually said that. seriously, i dont.
MAN! Way to go!
I second OutofLurkdom, you should get mary to replace bertha, THAT would be your proudest moment.
It would be amazing if it were only true.
That is truly awesome. I hope you have many more proud moments.
Brilliant! I hope you really said that out loud.
Feel free to walk around for the day with your arms raised over your head in a victorious attitude.
When anyone asks what you’re doing, just tell them to ask Mary.
So your proudest accomplishment is humiliating a woman whose only ‘crime’ has been talking to you about Jesus every morning?
See, some people look at that as a fun little quirk in the workday. “Oh, there goes Mary again!! ha-ha!” You look at it in such a skewed manner that I find myself feeling sorry for all the small animals you no doubt tortured to death in your youth.
Go, you.
Mandy? are you kidding?
Harlan, I’m really proud of you, however I do think you could have sex with Mary: blackmail her to show you what she has learned through the porn surfing, or else. hehehe. so much fun. More than microwaving a kitten.
I can’t wait to hear about how your coworkers find out that you are spying on them and rip your penis out through your nostrils.
I’m sure you’d find sexual blackmail even more thrilling than shoplifting. Maybe you could even throw in some animal torture. “Have sex with me or I’ll either shoot this dog or tell the boss about your porn habit.”
hey hey hey… don’t give him ideas, harlan will find his own way of f-ing things up.
This is going to go up up up, and then down even further than Harlan’s been before.
Actually, scratch that. It’s impossible for Harlan to go further down than Bertha.
Well Harlan, I posted a video just for you tonight. Check it. http://amyeats.blogspot.com
Mandy, Matthew 7:6. And then, Romans 9:15-18.
Mary, Acts 5:41-42
Can’t wait for tomorrows post where Harlan tells us he lied & never said that. Insert eye roll here.
Amy’s video = explains a lot
Your Name Here, I’m an athiest. I just don’t feel the need to treat people like crap because they annoy me. Who in the real world does?
Mandy, I did not assume from your first comment that you had accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. However, if you chose atheism after thoroughly considering alternatives, you may already be aware of St. Paul’s words at Romans 9:15-18.
I always hate to express a negative view, but frankly Amy, your pizza reminded me a bit of this:
http://www.soimmature.com/sub_pages/all_thumb_subs/page_vomit.html
Sorry.
OMG Harlin. Looks like Mary has found your blog!
I agree with considering Mary as a possible future sex partner. all that pent up desire could be just the ticket for you H.
I’m with the other- I don’t think you said that. Especially since you can’t bring yourself to sing in your car, something so blatant seems impossible. But it was funny-if you had said that.
I have found that “I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ… which is none of your business” works best. “Personal” means exactly that. In the past I have had to repeat myself a few times to get it across.
And the most infuriating thing to say to a JERK is “I’m praying for you.”
I found you through Crystal’s blog. Be blessed.
Ha!
Amen.