Today I finally met with my probation officer. My sentence is supposedly largely suspended, except for the two days jail, the fine, restitution, community service, and probation.

As before, I found that one of the great drawbacks of dealing with the justice system is boredom. I had an 9:00am appointment to see my probation officer, but didn’t end up seeing him until about 10:10. How could they get that backed up that early in the morning? Do probation officers somehow end up providing informal therapy, like bartenders or something?

Anyway, when I finally got in, after having spent a bunch of time filling out some forms (I had already filled out a couple that I got in the mail, but there were more waiting for me once I got there), I met my guy, and it turns out he’s unbearably chipper. First he wanted to explain to me his philosophy of "crime and punishment" (he actually used that phrase, though no air quotes or anything) and probation. He proceeded to fill me in on his view of the rule of the law, social mores, the justice system, and how I could use this experience as a stumbling block or a stepping stone. I could see why he was all backed up. Then he seemed to want me to do more or less the same. Which is to say, spill my guts, I guess. I felt kind of pressured to say something, so I said that I knew I had done something wrong, and I wanted to make it right. He was cheerful, but also, expectant. And? And…nothing else. He kept asking me questions to draw me out, but I wanted no part of it.

Because really, come on, you don’t go into this situation without wanting to do anything to get it over with and just move on. The weird thing is that I might have expected this kind of behavior from some fresh-faced kid just out of college with his social work degree or something, but this was a middle-aged man. He must drive his family crazy.

Anyway, when he could see I wasn’t going to play along, he finally gave up and we got down to business, which basically consisted of a) when do I want to serve my time (because as a non-violent offender with a weekend sentence, they want to work around my schedule) and b) what type of community service would I like to do. Also he gave me a chance to pay my fine and restitution in installments, which I declined. I chose to do the jail time ASAP basically. I have to call in to the county jail to coordinate with them, because I guess they get pretty crowded, and he gave me the 411 on that. How did I best think I could contribute to the community? Um, whatever, basically. He never stopped being chipper, but I could tell he was disappointed with me. Finally he just chose something for me: cleaning up trash in public parks. I have to do 80 hours of that on a work crew. He gave me all the contact info for that. I’m so excited. Someone pinch me.