Dear John
Posted by harlan on 29 Apr 2008 at 10:11 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
It’s been a rough couple of days. I should probably apologize for a number of things, but it seems like people just get mad at me whenever I apologize. So I’ll just post Bertha’s rejection email and leave well enough alone.
My dear, dear [Harlan]:
We have opened our hearts to each other. Our souls have been intertwined in coital bliss. To me every hour of the light and the dark has been a miracle.
And yet I must say no.
It is not our time. It is not our place. It is not our moment. Do not close yourself off and wrap your gifts in a cocoon. Spread your wings and fly, fly, fly. Soar above your mortal limitations. Soar above your troubles. Soar above your fears.
In your darkest hours, you can always choose to perceive things differently. You have a choice. You can focus on what’s wrong in your life, or you can focus on what’s right. Love is right, [Harlan]. If you give your life as a wholehearted response to love, then love will wholeheartedly respond to you.
You are a glorious being. In the world of illusion, you are lost and imprisoned, a slave to your appetites and false power. In the world of truth and fearlessness, you are a physical embodiment of the divine. Be fearless. Be free.
With sincere love,
[Bertha]xoxox
this letter will self-destruct in 5.4.3.2….BOOOM!!!!
feels that way, no?
Ewwwwwww. Is that for real? Really?
seriously?
What a ridiculous waste of good electrons.
A real person wrote that? Yuck.
I’ll marry you Harlan….
Were you dating Eckhart Tolle? Or maybe Bertha wants to date Eckhart Tolle. Either way, she’s absolutely right. It’s not your time, place or moment and it likely never will be if she continues to communicate this way. Can you really relate to someone who talks like that? She’s right about your choice to perceive things differently. When you finally decide to do that, you’ll wonder why you didn’t make the decision to just be happy earlier in your life. But you won’t regret the dark hours because they’re what brought you to where you are. Then you’ll really be fearless and free. Take the leap, H. I know you have it in you.
When you think about it,
“our souls have been intertwined in coital bliss” is pretty much the exact same thing as “we were like two wolverines in a dryer.”
Wow, I think she really likes her self. That was a pretty pompous sort of letter.
so are you guys over or just not getting married?
That was honestly the gayest thing I’ve ever read.
Good God, you both are total freaks.
as my daughter would say: Eeee-ewwwww!!
Asshat: LOL!
So Harlan…your real name is John.
What the crap? “You’re a slave to your appetites and false power.” Um…was she writing that part to herself? You’re good to be rid of her, now move on and fly, fly, fly.
She obviously ate a few sushi rolls before she whipped up that verbal vomit.
My heart bleeds for you, Harlan. Not really.
It is Wednesday, you know. Spread your wings and fly! Take her like a vulture takes bloated carrion!
(Except you’ll have to let the carrion be on top.)
B. and her resplendent spirit
Implores you to make love, not fear it.
With no strings attached,
She’d be easily snatched,
But we say don’t fucking go near it.
Maybe that’s not the right read, but it does seem like she’s open to more of the status quo (coitus quo?). Plus, by saying no, that the timing is wrong, she’s echoing your own words. Still, she should have handled things differently. I can see how you’d be put off by her response, Harlan. Even though you regretted asking, you still might have appreciated more than just New Age nonsense and touchy-feely platitudes in return. She didn’t even tell you in person, as though any response you might have had would mess up her tidy abstraction. Everything is on her terms. Wiser commenters all seem to agree — abort.
Ernest: love the poem.
Harlan: hate the email from B.
Everyone else: I’ve only been reading soveryalone.com for about a month now. I know i should take the time to go back and read some older posts, but i can’t be bothered at present. Has Harlan ever mentioned his age? Sounds like Bertha’s a 50-year-old hippie with 20 cats and hand-painted wine glasses.
Just curious…anyone know?
Professor Ernest, with papers since graded,
Has time to write poems for commenters jaded
By Harlan who’s marital status has been downgraded,
Such poetry should make Moshizzle twitterpated.
Can someone please explain the notion of ‘mortal limitations’ for me?
The definition that I found: “Of or relating to humankind” would explain much about Bertha.
Perhaps she’s from another planet…or…perhaps she’s a different species.
She is a wolverine, species gulo gulo.
Asshat - nice attempt, but your meter is off.
What with Moshizzle’s reference to Eckhart Tolle, Herb’s inspired albeit disgusting imagery with the carrion on top, Ju-Ju’s evocative picture of the big natural woman, and the sparkling rhymes of our friend Mr. Asshat, every refresh is rewarding.
Thank you Chuck. That explains EVERYTHING.
From wikipedia:
“The wolverine (Gulo) is a stocky and muscular animal, considered carnivorous but known on occasion to eat plant material. It has glossy brown hair with stripes of dull yellow along the sides. Its fur is long and dense and does not retain much water, making it very resistant to frost, which is common in the wolverine’s cold habitat”
Yeah, you’ll get to the part where she has a rotated molar to more easily suck marrow. That’s what clinches it.
I know, crackjob. It was a pitiful attempt. Certainly it doesn’t hold a candle to “Muskrat Love.”
It’s Wolverine Love!!
Commenting to such an active post, is fairly addicting.
run as far as you can in the opposite direction. FAST.
sorry you got rejected, maybe you can try again later…
but more importantly, sounds like you can still tumble with her in the dryer though.
Cuckoo
I was going to write “EEEEWWWWWWWWW,” but I see that’s already been done before me and I hate to repeat the obvious (again).
I think Bertha gone done read herself so many self-help, cleansing-your-inner-chakras and romance books that she forgot how to speak English. “Our souls have been intertwined in coital bliss. To me every hour of the light and the dark has been a miracle.”
Are you kidding me? Either the part of her that registers reality is living on a different planet, or you didn’t do a very good job of explaining your relationship (?) with good ole Bertha.
You never sounded too thrilled about her, and now it sounds like she’s probably all pumped up with self-importantance, thinking that she’s helping you to become a better person by telling you to stop being “a slave to your appetites and false power” … to “be free.”
Bleh.
Hmmm…Bertha’s email sounds just like Ernest who sounds just like Harlan.
…and for only $29.95, you can buy my new book, “Choose to Perceive,” and learn how to do all of this.
Honestly! Does B. write cheesy advertisements for a living?
Harlan, ask Richard to set you on another blind date. Maybe you’ll be luckier next time.
I can’t decide which poem is more twitterpatifying. I may have to lie down for a minute.
This is *so bad*, so *extraordinarily awful*, that one suspects that Harlan is not, in fact, making it up.
Wonderful stuff.
Truth is stranger than fiction.
Harlan,
I hope that Bertha doesn’t think to google a line from her letter, because, guess what? It takes you right to your site.
From someone who has dated someone that is berta’s particular brand of crazy, run harland, run like the wind as she would no doubt put it.
I started reading a while back and immediately went back and read the archives, love it here.
No one talks like that. Only people who have huddled in their lonely one bedroom apartment on a Saturday night tackling a sky high stack of self-help books and thus can convince themselves of their own self-importance. or totally made up! stop using that post c-word. it’s so not cool to your readers.
in my mind i like to pretend you’re this ridiculously attractive loner who has yet to discover his hotness and decide to exploit it for pussy and things of that nature.
oh and also; big bertha sounds like a damn fool.
loving you sincerly,
forever in coital embrace,
freeing my mind through the exploration of yours,
Not A. Douche-Bag
Oh my god. Bertha is my hero. I usual just say fuck you. Good bye. or something equally poetic.
Mira! I have the exact same “fantasy” sometimes!
There is a checkout clerk at my local grocery store who is tall, lean, broad, handsome, yet unkempt and awkward, and totally unaware of his sexiness potential.
Every time I see him, I think… “Harlan?”
Harlan, this may seem random - I’m going to blame the wine - but, in my opinion, for men the line between “virgin” and “playa” is thin. Now that you’ve had sex three times, you are ready to head out and exploit women. Do it! The best way to get over a girl is to… well, you know how that old saying goes.
I mean, hell, you’ve had sex more in the last few weeks than I have, and I have a boyfriend! (Too much information? Whatever.) So go on wit’ your bad self and hook up. Sex is unbelievably easy to get, once you know what to do.
(This message brought to you by Wolf Blass. *hiccup*)
Don’t communicate with Bertha anymore! You need to go after UPS girl!
Oh dear lord. If I didn’t hate her before, I certainly do now. What a load of pretentious, partronising rubbish!
Um, crackjob, your bag boy fantasy is bit misplaced, isn’t it? Our Harlan is middle aged, paunchy, prone to tears, self-pitying and fearful.
crackjob… the “unbelievably easy to get, once you know what to do.” care to elaborate? apparently i’m having trouble figuring that out.
Yeeeeeeah - I just had a glance at your blog.
I’m not entirely sure what you’re doing wrong, son, because picking up drunk 19-year olds* at a bar is like shooting fish in a barrel.
(*I don’t know there are 19-year olds at the bars at which you imbibe, or if you live in the States where one has to, theoretically, be 21 years old to get in. If you *do* live in the US, one suggestion might be to consider moving to Canada, where the drunk hoochies in the bar are younger and more impressionable.)
crackjob.. she wasn’t 19, she obviously has to be 21 to get in the bar, but she just looked really young to me…
i’ve always wanted to pay the canadian girls a visit.. :) one of these days i’ll make it up there.
*ahem*
Actually, she’s NOT “obviously” 21, if you live in Canada - that’s what I was trying to say. Your blog does not specify your coordinates so I have no clue if you live in the USA (must be 21), Canada (must be 18/19 depending on the province) or Thailand (must at least be out of grade school, one would hope).
Okay then.
crackjob.. lol.. sorry, “obviously” I didn’t get you there :) I’m not in Canada, I’m south of you in the US.
ya.. Thailand would be a little too young for me, I prefer them to be atleast out of high school, I’ll stick with the Canada and US girls.
she’s totally batshit. in an entirely different way than you are. man, just when I think this blog can’t get any weirder, I come back to find…. weirder.
I really can’t stand that woman.
online poker unter 18
Piu” 7 card stud online play free poker online poquer pc cellular customer free ringtones us poker pas en ligne
free omaha poker
Sedispenser jeu de carte de juegos de poker video poker practice poker spiel zum downloaden virtual online casino