I’m Tempted to Delete That Last Post
Posted by harlan on 19 Apr 2008 at 01:05 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
Everyone, I’m sorry for that last post. I was pissed off at my Sister (more on that another time), at Bertha, and at myself, and then I started reading comments from people asking about the trophy. At first I just deleted them, but people kept asking. So I spent the evening feeling sorry for myself and drinking, until it occurred to me that I ought to give everyone a piece of my mind.
What’s strange is that as I wrote it, I was convinced my logic was perfect and that my arguments were unassailable. I was really looking forward to reading it this morning, because I still had the impression that I had written something really cutting and pointed. Then when I did read it, I actually was hit by a wave of nausea. I look so stupid.
Anyway, those are all excuses and I hate it when people make excuses the main part of their apologies, so here it is, this time without excuses:
This blog is important to me, and the readers of it –even the ones who read strictly with the intention of making me feel bad or telling me for the thousandth time that they think I’m not real–are closer to me than any people I know in real life. I’m sorry I got drunk and yelled at you, especially in all-caps, because I hate it when people post in all-caps.
I wonder if I could get anything for that trophy on ebay.
Drunken blogging is never a good idea. I’ve got to cut this short . . . .
hey, great to see another post!!
i thought you….you know. “ended it”
yay for life!!!!
from the looks of things here, I think there would be a eBay bidding war for your trophy.
Happy selling!
It’s OK, kid.
I think your diatribe is really about Bertha more than anything. Telling someone they need to see a sex therapist right after a roll in the sack is like a mental pistol whipping.
You’ve gotta ditch that cow, Harlan. Being miserable because you’re lonely is much less miserable than being miserable because of a bad relationship. Been there, done that.
I’ve got a better idea for the trophy. Even though it looks like a plastic turd, why not go down to one of those engraving kiosks that are inside every mall and have ‘em make a little metal plate that will fit over the ‘So Very Alone’ panel. Have it engraved “Number One FedEx Hottie” and give it to Miss FedEx on Monday.
I’ll bet you’d make her day.
I would totally have bought myself a trophy too or at the very least a commemorative plate. I probably wouldn’t have told people the Bloggie people gave it to me but it sure as Hell would have been on my desk.
Dude, it’s A-ok. We’re still your readers. And if we all had to live out a drunk embarrassing moment out on the internet, it would be hard for us, I’m sure. I’m feeling kind of sensitive today.
Let’s all list an embarrassing thing that happened to us when we were drunk. That might make Harlan feel better.
I got drunk and bought a group of 10 frat boys 9 rounds of Patron shots, which, at $8 apiece, cost me a pretty penny. I was so fucked up, I thought they were the friends I came with. When my ACTUAL friends showed up, I introduced them to each other with the same name (such as “Mike, this is my friend Mike, and Mike, and Mike, and Mike,”, and “Jason, this is my friend Jason, and Jason, and Jason, and Jason,”, etc), which was the cue for my friends to tell me that it was time TO GO. So I ran away from them and fell down a long set of concrete stairs. I tore my elbow open and sprained my ankles (both of them), and my friends had to CARRY me out, like over the shoulder. Then I couldn’t walk to get out of the car, so my friend was trying to drag me into his apartment from the parking lot, and someone called the police. The police showed up thinking my friend had drugged me and brought me home from the bar. They almost arrested him for it. Here’s what I remember:
1) Shots at a different bar
2) Walking to the bar where this debauchery occured
3) Handing my friend a beer.
4) Waking up in my friend’s bed, pantless and alone at 9am.
5) Finding the reciept for the bar, which included a $500 tip.
So I’m sure we’ve all done dumber shit. Don’t leave me hangin, people.
I just found this blog the other day and every other post is a fucking apology or an admission that you lied. WTF is wrong with you dude?
A blog isn’t your answer, the nearest psych ward is.
alcohol?????…..lost everything…..twice……try not to drink anymore…..don’t berate yourself man, no need.
Your last post was epic! Don’t even think about deleting it.
Sell it to Dooce.
Lol… blogging drunk, not a good idea.
Drinking alone, also not a good idea.
I can’t stand Dooce.
Don’t sell her your Trophy. And hey, its subjective. You made it as a object representing something YOU won from something YOU did, so who cares if it was from them? Keep it to remind you that you won something.
I found your blog from the 2008 weblog winners page:
http://2008.bloggies.com/
so I know you had a legitimate win. You realize that if you sell the trophy on ebay, the winner will probably find out your real name & address, unless you use one of those mailboxes places. I’d put the trophy away in the closet and bring it out when you get writer’s block, it might help.
I guess I missed all the excitement when Harlan was deleting the comments. Yeah, we’ve all done something stupid when drunk but mercifully we usually can’t remember what it was. At least acrylic is recycleable. Your major award could have a second life as a dress for Bertha.
Harlan, your blog is special. Why else would everyone be so hooked on it?
Don’t delete your writing. Every day you get a bit smarter and, if you get rid of the evidence of your mistakes, how will you know how far you’ve come?
Just consider the post a domestic dispute :) And fuck those people who try to put you down… they’re the ones reading your blog, you’re the one living it. Keep the award…. you’ve earned it through your honest portrayal of your thoughts and ideas…. youre amazing.
Harlan I still love you.
Last month, I and my so-called girlfriends were drinking and we got the idea that it’d be fun to have a contest to see who could steal the most valuable thing from Wal-mart. We all got caught, but they somehow convinced the store manager that I was the “ringleader” so I was the only one who got charged. So from now until August I have to spend every Saturday morning in the city park picking up trash and they won’t have anything to do with me.
Harlan, I think it was genius to get yourself a statue as a visual reminder of what you accomplished. You could have just told us you did that.
Lost my car once. I arrived home but my car did not. Didn’t turn up for three months, and then it found me. I had to pay to have a wrecker remove it from the towed lot. It was filled with bricks.
Harlan, your last question reminded me of a guy I read about in McSweeney’s. He said his proudest possession was a little trophy that said “World’s Best Dad” that he picked up from ebay.
Backtracking to a comment Asshat made yesterday, it did seem for a while that those homologs clustered around me. But I don’t think they’re all from my posse. For instance, I didn’t recognize Curt, Patience, or Patsy. Are they, by chance, friends of yours, A?
I would totally buy this trophy. Would you autograph it? I mean it.
E, if H can admit to buying himself a trophy, you can too. We won’t judge. Well, we will but it’ll be fun.
Harlan, whoever you are, you make me laugh like no other. I am forever cheering you on.
Ernest, as Moshizzle says, ‘fess up. You sowed the homological wind, didn’t you?
Aww feel better Harlan. I always thought you were real
Author: All of these personalities showing up to cheer Harlan on are making Sybil look sane.
Harlan, you are allowed to get upset. You need to go to the movies or something and escape reality for a couple hours.
So why did you delete the (factual) comments? To make yourself feel good, to make them angry, or to hide the truth so “we” wouldn’t think the same?
On an unrelated note, what DO you do with your free time (besides typing out this blog with one hand)?
:)
Lilly, from a male point of view, this is reassuring. No matter how big of a fuckup you are, there’s always going to be some stupid woman out there willing to cheer you on. I guess this is why guys in prison get women so easily.
Harlan, are you fucking KIDDING ME??? always keep it real, damnit, NEVER, EVER apoligize for your art, your anger, your life. It’s why we keep coming back for MORE! (PS great idea on the trophy. You she give to your Fed Ex gal to send to SXSW and give them the idea that they should have had in the first place!) Cheers,
LARA
Harlan, we are all here reading because you ARE interesting. Don’t worry about the negative comments, they’re just people who don’t have their own lives and so enjoy ripping on yours. We’ve all done stupid drunk things…I got so drunk I agreed to let my boyfriend put handcuffs on me, then he “lost” they key, we had to get the cops to cut them off. And I was NOT fully dressed! Now that’s embarassing!
Hi Harlan,
I’ve been reading your blog for about a week. I got a link from the Vogue forum listing best blogs. I really like your writing, I enjoy hearing about your life but I do feel sorry you when you are having a rough time of it. Keep your chin up! Don’t worry about the losers and keep doing what you are doing.
I mean this in a really nice way, but you’re kind of like a Bridget Jones. Endearingly clumsy and mistaken. Take it easy Harlan.
“Lilly, from a male point of view, this is reassuring. No matter how big of a fuckup you are, there’s always going to be some stupid woman out there willing to cheer you on. I guess this is why guys in prison get women so easily.”
Chuck: Excellent point.
Wow. Post deletions, yelling at people leaving comments, and then the apology. I really should start checking this on weekends. :)
So, our boy H is soooo fucked up, he went and made himself a trophy for his real award, and passed it off as a genuine article. Is there anything you won’t lie about?
Here is a post you can delete, if you need to delete comments on your blog to make yourself feel better, perhaps you should look at yourself and honestly decide to change. Maybe, just maybe your life is so fucked up, because you lie, and steal, on a regular basis. Fuck, you even lie to strangers here, and then come back swearing you won’t do it anymore, only to do it again.
You are the classic American victim, like the woman who keeps picking up men from prison, and can’t figure out why she always ends up dating assholes.
Buy a fucking clue, make better decisions and see if your life improves. Or delete this post cause is pisses you off (I’m betting on option B)