Book Club Night
Posted by harlan on 13 Apr 2008 at 10:19 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
I picked up B. at her place. I arrived at 5:30, fifteen minutes early, because I hoped to get in some private time with her. Instead, she just seemed irritated. “I’m not ready yet, just stay in the living room, OK?” So I sat there, reading the amazon.com reviews of the book she told me they were going to be talking about: Nobodies: Modern American Slave Labor and the Dark Side of the New Global Economy .
“I figured it would be a women-oriented novel,” I had said to her. “Like The Woman in White or Bridget Jones’s Diary.”
“I wish. Every so often, someone decides it’s her job to educate the rest of us on some pet peeve.”
Hearing B. say that was really helpful. I now had an orientation I’d take toward the book. B. was against it, so I’d be against it.
“How many other women are bringing their boyfriends, do you know?” I asked.
“You’re the only man coming, Harlan. I’m pretty sure this is the first time any man has ever come to any women’s book group.”
I wanted to ask why she invited me if she didn’t want me to go, but I already knew why. It was because in her mind, I had begged to go. I also didn’t ask why she was using sarcasm with me instead of her “radical honesty,” because I knew the answer to that, too.
We went to a Japanese place. As an aside, I’d like someone to please explain to me how Japanese food has replaced Chili’s as the kind of restaurant everyone can agree upon. I would have loved an Awesome Blossom and cajun chicken alfredo. Or maybe that’s TGIFriday’s. Either way.
I ordered teriyaki chicken. It wasn’t half-bad. Most people ordered sushi. I have a theory that nobody really likes sushi, because I have never seen anyone eat sushi when they’re by themselves. People eat sushi to impress people they are with.
I didn’t care about the food, though. Not really. I just wanted to hold B.’s hand. Show that we were connected. Every time I did, though, she’d reach for her drink or otherwise be occupied. Was she embarrassed of me? Had I offended her? Nobody in the book club asked why I had come along, so I expect B. had already given them an explanation. I started thinking what the email must have looked like:
“This sad sack I’ve gone out with a couple times doesn’t want to be alone tonight, so I’m going to throw him a line and let him tag along, OK? I’m really sorry, and promise it won’t happen except just this one time.”
They talked for about ninety minutes before they even got to the book. Long before then, I had finished my chicken. And I had given up on holding Bertha or inching my chair close to her.
One train of thoughts, a mantra in a way, kept running through my head: “I wish I was home. I wish I was in bed, under the covers. I wish I was alone.”
Everyone was going around the table, offering their insights into how awful it was that in this day and age there was what amounted to slavery anywhere, much less in America. Acting like this book had touched them deeply.
Bertha was right there with them, expressing forceful indignation.
Meanwhile, I was thinking: “I just want to go home. To bed. To be alone. To watch TV.”
And strangely, during one of those lulls most conversations have, it occurred to me that I could have this wish, very easily, by following Bertha’s advice. By being radically honest.
So I took a turn talking
“I don’t think any of you are going to change your lives after reading this book. In fact, by eating in a restaurant, you’re probably supporting something close to slave labor. I think the real reason you’re discussing this book is to appear intellectual, when what you really want is to be entertained. You could have both of those things in a good graphic novel like The Watchmen, but you’d never stoop to reading one of those.
“Meanwhile, I’m here because I wanted to be with B., but I’m not really here with her at all, and I hate crowds. So there’s no reason for me to be here, and I’m leaving.”
And I left. I just drove home, figuring B. could get a ride. When I got home, I turned the phone off and I locked the door.
And then I turned my phone back on and unlocked the door, because really what I wanted was for her to call or come over.
But she hasn’t. Not Saturday night, not today. And 95% of the time I’m certain that I’m glad of that, and then I’ll hear something and think it’s her and my heart jumps. But of course it isn’t her and then I’m stuck with the realization that I do want her to call me or come over even if it’s to yell at me for embarrassing me in front of her friends. Because then I can ask her why she doesn’t love me anymore.
Isolation Score: 10
H, it really sucks that this weekend turned out so crappy for you. I know how it feels to come crashing down after such an incredible, biochemical high. Okay, that’s it for my sympathy and now for my honest, tough-love take on your behaviour.
Self-pity is not attractive to any independent, intelligent woman. Why so clingy with Bertha? Was having sex with you not enough validation that you are worthy of her attention? Do you really think that she doesn’t “love” you anymore? It’s very unfortunate that she was impatient and sarcastic with you and doesn’t bode well for your future together. It’s a sign of immaturity that she couldn’t or wouldn’t draw some boundaries with her time and space this weekend. I hope that she will apologize about the way things turned out. And I hope that you have already apologized for throwing a temper tantrum at her event.
No doubt you have already figured out that you embarrassed and likely humiliated her in front of people who are important to her. I doubt that was your intention. Or have you already crossed the fine line between “love” and hate? There are other, more productive and mature ways to get her to notice you. Acting like a three year old who wants his mother’s undivided attention is not appropriate. But I’m sure you know that already. And that’s why your isolation score is so high.
Harlan, I don’t really like sushi either and there have been times that people have made me feel ‘less than’ because of that. I don’t understand why the women in the book club are trying to appear more intelligent to each other, as if it’s some sort of game.
And why did B. go along with that when she expressed her disinterest in the book earlier? If you don’t like something why not tell the other women why? But I will tell you that desperation is a turn-off to everyone; male, female, straight, gay. At least, I think so.
As an aside, I don’t think sex is a validation of anything except sexual attraction. Just because someone has sex with you doesn’t mean they want to give you their time or attention. Sex is just sex, sometimes. I seriously doubt that B. is using Harlan for sex though.
P.S.- I love The Watchmen!
Wow.
That was an epic fail.
I’m guessing the fact Moshizzle hit the nail will piss off Harlan.
Moshizzle always hits the nail on the head.
Harlan, smell the coffee. She never loved you, she just wanted your attention. You wanted someone to love you, she wanted someone she could turn into a Jane Austen fan and who she could convert with her stupid philosophy of life. Neither of you is going to get what you want.
Squeeeee! My eyes lit up, my hands covered my half laugh/half amazed grin, and I gasped like I had just been proposed to. That was good, Harlan.
But I can’t imagine what it’s doing to you right now considering a certain elevator event that still haunts you from years ago.
Whenever I make a fool of myself, I like to apologize. It really, really helps take the sting off of it.
You just need to CALM. DOWN. harlan. B wasn’t rejecting you when she said she was busy that friday. People in love don’t have to spend every second together - but they do have to respect and support each other.
Apologise for your behaviour at the book club then give her some space
I eat sushi alone, and often… Because I enjoy it very much. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean that anyone who appears to must be pretentious.
I want to kick B’s ass.
1) I hate sushi. Doesn’t everyone know there is tons of bacteria and live crap in it that gets into your intestines and can cause severe stomach issues not to be mentioned here.
2) You will find more people on www.match.com, and bertha sounds not so nice. Since I’ve been there, done that, been in court with my baby daddy cause he is bi-polar but I loved him and loved the craziness
3) sometimes, just sometimes, pure honesty, is just too pure. next time? don’t go to women’s book clubs cause most of the time they want to talk about brazilian bikini waxes and why or why not do it.
Amy, I will kick whatever is left after you are done.
When you left the restaurant? With B. sitting there, with all her book club friends? You turned yourself into an utter wanker, and even if she didn’t know it then? She knows it now, because all her book club friends told her when you left. Idiot.
As enough people have said before, going to the book club was not the best idea. While B. might have appreciated your radical honesty in a private setting, in front of all her friends was not the best place. No woman (or man I’m sure) likes to have a guest call attention to themselves in a negative way in front of their friends. If you have a desire to find out what’s going on between the two of you, you should make the move to call or see her. If not, then I hope you bounce back quickly. Life is too short to be miserable.
Pointing your character in the obvious direction so you don’t have to change the name of the blog.
Boring.
Such crap. and so obvious. As Lilly said it’s not just boring it’s predictable.
YAWN!
She chose a BOOK CLUB over sex with you. wow.
When you were trying to blow B. off what did she do?
Maybe she just wants you to fight for her.
I think there’s a fine - but important - line to be drawn between “radical honesty” and “tact.”
You do realize you’re calling her ‘Bertha’ again, right? Dump her fat ass and hook up with that dame from the racquetball court.
And stay away from the book clubs or I’ll have to hunt you down and clip your testicles.
My question: What’s with all this LOVE crap? I’m starting to dry heave with every post. I don’t remember her telling you she loved you. I remember you confessing your un-dying love right after your wiener was bent. Why are you rushing? Why assume she returns the same feelings. Commenter’s alike all say she’s just not that into you…
I’m glad you walked out on B. Having second thoughts later on should tell you something. Your first instinct was to leave. Your second was to get her back. ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT — go with the first instinct and re-lock the door.
Go with the H’s seeking and finding the psycho mother from court who lost custody of the kids.
No kids = plenty of hoo-hoo
Anon, you’re boring.
You’re predictable.
You’re a pud-sniffer.
Harlan, it might be a good time to try to get that ocycodone perscrption refilled.
Maybe she wanted to look like she was wanted, sought after, to her friends. Surely she’s told them all about you. So she breaks down and brings you along, but secretly, she wanted them to see you vie for her attention. Crawl for her. Look uncomfortable when she won’t make physical contact with you. It’s an ego boost. The girl who was probably always rejected is now being the rejector. Unfortunately, she’s doing it to you for no good reason, which is why, despite maybe NOT being a swamp creature, she’s still single. She obviously WANTS to be attached, had no issue with taking your pepe to see the fish garage for the first time, so this is my only explanation. She comes on too strong, pushes too hard, and now that she finally got what she wanted, which was for you to be groveling for her, she’s bored and is ready to move on. Don’t let this bitch win. Turn off your phone, lock your door, and start searching for slutty girls online if all you need is a weenie-wash fix. If you’re looking for something meaningful, she isn’t it.
I think the best thing you’ve ever done was to state your mind like that and walk out. It was honest, it was brave, and, most importantly, it was you being true to yourself.
B is giving you the brushoff, no doubt about it. Don’t bemoan the loss–just move on.
I really like your style :)
Sad… sad… sad… I know the feeling… It’s not nice. Hope she calls you or comes by.
No Harlan! Turn off the phone! Lock the door! Honestly, this is what women do when they have little to no interest in someone. Its a game. She won you over…now she’s done. The BEST thing you could do is ignore her. It will drive her nuts and she will come crawling back. Then you can tell her to get lost to her face.
In the meantime…gird up your loins and go find yourself some hot, hate sex.
I think you should read “how to make a woman orgasm” then she will be groveling for you & then you can humiliate her.
Shanaynay, what a great idea! The next story line could chronicle the H’s search for G spots.
Go Amy go!!!
I think most of us are pretty sick of reading about Bertha. Would it be possible to go back to writing about your laundry, if nothing else?
Your speech was almost romanatic.
Speak for yourself, Chuck. I want to hear whatever Harlan has to say about B and her role in his life. Those of us who have experienced disastrous encounters with sexual partners, especially our first sexual partner, have some empathy for him.
Remember Harlan, this too shall pass. Try to keep busy to keep your mind off B. Easier said than done, I know. Been there.
Ginge, Chuck isn’t saying he hasn’t any sympathy/empathy, all he’s saying is that we’re used to reading about other aspects of Harlan’s life, and now we’re only hearing about B-Hole. I agree. I want to know how the job’s going, what’s going on with Richard (we never hear about Richard anymore), and Harlan’s family, too. Never said how much he liked the rest of the games in the Orange Box, I mean, come on. Has he started his community service? When’s jail time? He has a lot of other shit going on, and some of us would like to hear about those things, too. That’s all we’re saying.
Okay. I just bristled at the implication that people are sick of hearing about B and would rather hear about anything but her. Writing down his encounters with and thoughts about her is therapeutic for him. And besides, how else will we learn anything about what is going on, or not going on, with B unless Harlan feels that many of us want to know?
Harlan, writing about other things going on in your life might help get your mind off this episode with B and thus qualifys as a good way of keeping busy. We are listening.
give B some space, you were smothering her.
All of sudden, after sex its like you soooo in love and cannot be seperated. Woman hate when a man grovels and smothers them.
I had such high hopes for you, Harlan. Just a few nights ago you were in love, your IS was 0, and you were just about as OK as it gets (scrunched member aside). So what happened? From the evidence you shared, it seems like maybe you forgot your proper role. The man is expected to charm, bargain, and cajole his way to further sex. He is NOT supposed to try figuring out the lady’s motivations, games, or signals. They’re all too subtle and complex for us to comprehend. Once you started trying to figure it all out, you weren’t so OK anymore. Then B. and her friends, to your new way of thinking, became hypocrites incapable of owning up to their own low-brow tastes (i.e., not OK either). So now your IS is back up to 10.
I hope I don’t cause Moshizzle any undue concern by agreeing with her, but I suspect she was spot on. What’s more, your impetuous little rant did not qualify as charm or cajolery. The one possible saving grace is that you said you were only there to be with B. That may just play. Please let us know.
Chemicals in your body may be messing with your feelings but this woman just cannot be right for you.
Her behaviour is pretty sour but yours is even worse. Get a grip man. You are manufacturing love out of loneliness and lust. You’re a clever guy so surely you can see that????
Ernest trying to bestow his infinite wisdom
about women = BWAHAHAHA
ConGypsCo read me right. I do have some empathy for Harlan (maybe it is wearing thin) but I really despise Bertha and would rather the plotline soon had her step in front of a bus or fall down an elevator shaft or something. Herb’s right. Let’s move on to the racquetball girl.
everything you said, oh my god, we are the same person
aaaaaah, except i fucking love sushi. alone. all the time.
Always leave them wanting more = control
BTW I love Sushi
FK
I like your sushi theory
I hate sushi too
Oh my gosh, look at that, there’s a *variety* of opinions on sushi!
Some people like it, some people don’t like it, and some people irrationally fear it.
Let go of it, sushi-haters. There is no naked emperor here that you are the only people bold and confident and unique enough to point out his nakedness. It’s just some people who enjoy something that you do not enjoy.
Do you really need to think we, the sushi-likers, are LYING in order to feel good about yourselves and your food preferences?
The only time I would look down on someone who “hates sushi” as kind of narrow and provincial is if they refused to even try any before passing judgment. If you try it and don’t like it, FINE, but don’t tell me I’m a lying, pretentious sheep because I DO like it.