Most of the email I get at my soveryalone.com address belongs to one of the following categories.

  1. Demands to know whether I am real or not. I do not answer these email messages, because I don’t have any idea how getting an email from me would be any more convincing than my blog posts.
  2. Requests to do a blogroll link exchange. I do not answer these email messages, because I don’t have a blogroll. I don’t have anything against blogrolls. I just don’t have one and don’t feel like making one.

Last night, though, I got a different kind of email. A request for help. Here it is.

Hi! My name is XXXXXX and I’m employed by the University of XXXXXXX Library Training department. I am currently working on making an informational phamplet about blogs. As the winner of the “Best-Kept Secret Weblog”, would you mind sharing some of your secrets? Can you send me some blogging tips? Would you mind if I showcased your blog on my info sheet? I appreciate your time and help!

Thanks

XXXXXXXXX

Originally, I thought I would just delete her email, because it seems like she was just asking me to do her job for her. But then I started considering the questions. What are my blogging secrets? What tips would I share?

I don’t think I have a lot of secrets or tips, but I do have a few, and I’m happy to share them.

I’m still not going to answer her email, but if she really does read my blog and didn’t just do a drive-by because it happens to have won an award, she’ll see this post and should feel free to use it in her pamphlet.

My Tips

  • Write fast. I write and then I post and then I’m done. I don’t edit what I wrote. I don’t even re-read what I wrote. If there are mistakes, so what. I’m not getting paid for this, so fuck quality control. Anyone who’s looking for beautiful grammar or pristine punctuation or a lucid train of thought shouldn’t be reading a blog. They should be reading a book.
  • Get your own domain name. Say you’re really, really drunk at a bar and someone asks you what your blog’s name is. So you say “http://mycleverbutexcruciatinglylongblogname.wordpress.blogspot. livejournal.spaces.live.com.co.au.uk.tv.net.info/blog/.” What are the chances they’ll remember that? And what are the chances you’ll even say it right? On the other hand, what if you say, “solonely.com” (which was my first choice for a domain by the way, but it was taken). They can remember that. If you’re saying to yourself that you don’t know if you want to spend the money to get a domain name and hosting because you don’t know if you’re going to stick with it, then you shouldn’t be blogging anyway. You’re just going to write five posts. The first will be a “hello world” post. The second will be a “the weirdest thing happened to me” post, and was the reason you started writing your blog in the first place. The third post will be a questionaire type post where you ask your nonexistant readers about something, because you’re praying that someone will answer. The fourth post will be a “not much happening today” post, the fifth post will be a “sorry I haven’t written in a while” post. There will be no sixth post. Commit to it or don’t do it.
  • Don’t write about something you aren’t willing to be confronted on. If you think you have a bulletproof point to make, don’t make it on your blog, because that will be the one post everyone in the world will jump on, and they’ll tear you to shreds. If you’re not willing to hear counterpoints, don’t make a point.
  • Get a really awesome design, with a catchy, graphical banner. I think it’s the aesthetic of my blog that brings people back.
  • Don’t expect to make any money, because you won’t.

My Secrets

  • You can get your first few readers by commenting on other people’s blogs. After that, the only way you’ll get readers is by posting often. And if you ever do a post that says, essentially, “I’m bored,” you are required by law to give your readers their thirty seconds back.
  • Blogroll exchanges, link exchanges, and traffic-generating gimmicks are stupid. You might bring over a few readers, but not many. And they won’t stick around.
  • Whenever I don’t have something to say, I post a picture of a cat with a hilarious caption, badly spelled. I find my readers can’t get enough of those LOL cats.
  • If nobody is commenting, I add comments myself to get the conversation started. Usually, I post with the handle “Asshat,” “Amy,” “Leland,” “Talita,” “Em,” or “Moshizzle.”

You’re welcome to use any of these tips and to refer to my blog in your pamphlet. You can even claim you wrote it yourself, if you want to.