Solitude Is My Companion
Posted by harlan on 25 Mar 2008 at 11:26 am | Tagged as: talking to the void
B. came into my condo last night and wanted to talk. I don’t have much experience with women, but I do know it’s bad news when a woman wants to talk. My stomach was rumbling again. I was thinking that maybe some people are meant to be alone. If I didn’t care what other people thought, I’d go out of my way to avoid people. In fact, B. was telling me the other night that if I lived during Jane Austen’s time, I could have gotten a job as a hermit. That’s right. A rich person might have hired me to live in the little hermitage on their estate. I assume all I’d have to do is let my hair grow long and maybe roll around in the mud and thrash myself a couple times a day with a whip, and I’d get free room and board.
Anyway, B. wanted to talk last night about telling the truth. She laid out her philosophy of “radical honesty” for me. She said that people in relationships are afraid of hurting each other’s feelings, so they don’t tell the truth. This ends up hurting both people. If I understand B. correctly, the person who is withholding honesty actually ends up being hurt more because that person bottles up feelings, becomes stressed, and channels that stress into destructive outlets. If neither person in a relationship is being honest, both people end up repressing their emotions, and it’s all caused by fear and the lack of trust. And the foundation of any relationship should be trust and love.
I said this is all fine and good, but how does it relate to us?
She said she didn’t think I was being honest with her. She could sense that I was bottling up something. Of course she’s right. What choice do I have but to bottle up everything?
I told her that I wasn’t bottling anything up. I said I was perfectly happy with the way things were going, and I’ve never lied to her. I don’t think she believed me, but she said she did. You know why I don’t think she believed me? She stomped out without kissing me goodnight.
Cognative dissonance is your companion.
you mean other than the fact that you gambled away the $500 you borrowed?
I don’t understand Bertha’s reaction either. You never lie to anyone. The only thing you bottle up is intestinal gas.
You should probably keep up on the job front since you chose not to tell B about your financial state. And I agree with whoever said it on the last post, any job is better than no job.
Are you drunk?
If not, start drinking.
Maybe Amy will hire you to be her hermit. You can live in her gated community.
WAIT! You owe us details!
When she stomped out, was she leaning forward and trying keep her balance? You know that thing she does that turns you on? Was her polyester dress splitting at the seems? And WHAT was she doing with her furry arms?
Come on H, stop disappointing.
I can’t wait for the day when I see you on Judge Judy and Bertha is suing you for her $500.
PMS. That’s all. First and most important thing you need to learn about in a relationship with a woman.
Ya Leeland, that and to duck when she pukes.
It could be PMS.
The questions is, where the hell are you going to get money from NOW???
My ex-boyfriend had some killer lines that you’re welcome to try out on Bertha.
“I see your point.”
“I understand.”
“That is absolutely valid.”
“I can understand where you’re coming from.”
etc
Took me seven years to figure out that he actually couldn’t give a crap but was too scared of change to be “honest” about his feelings.
I know how this relationship is going to go. I dated someone exactly like you. B will make your life better in every way, which won’t be hard because your life is really quite pathetic. And when you guys break up she will find you curled up in the fetal postion, in your tight, dirty little underwear, crying on the bathroom floor. And she will walk away feeling slighty bad but also relieved because she finally got away from the guy who gambeled away her money, was addicted to porn and made her feel like shit on a regular basis.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is…pull your shit together Harlan before it comes to that. Or something close to it.
Here’s a few lines that you might want to avoid. They never went over well with my neurotic ex-girlfriend:
“Why should I care what your parents think?”
“Why would anybody think that way?”
“How the hell was I supposed to know that’s what you meant?”
and my favorite, “huh?” (that’s “eh?” to you, Moshizzle)
Asshat, “eh?” doesn’t actually translate to “huh?” It’s more like “don’t you think?” or “you know what I mean?”.
I tend to interpret “huh” as “I don’t give a crap what you just said and I’m pretending I didn’t hear you in the hopes you’ll be too frustrated to repeat yourself and we can drop this conversation and just watch porn dammit woman.”
That puts a fine point on it, huh, Moshizzle?
I was adviced on this “honesty” most women talk about.We say we are open, we want an honest relationship, we want the truth. And I was dumb enough to think truth would save my life. But The only truth is No one gives a shit about honesty, seriously who wants to hear “yes, you are fat plus you are getting old” or ” you really suck in bed” I don’t mean u should start lying about everything,but a version of the truth works best.
I would try two things.
1. Tell B that you agree with her but feel you have no choice at the moment but to keep certain things to yourself although you will think about what she is saying and work on trying to be as honest as possible.
2. I would guess she just wants you to communicate your feelings more. In other words, give her some compliments. If this is excruciating for you, just remember, when you see her tell her she looks nice or that it’s nice to see her. After you kiss her - definitely tell her the next day that you liked kissing her. Do you understand? Just keep telling her those little encouraging comments every couple of days and everything will be fine. I promise!
“She laid out her philosophy of “radical honesty” for me. She said that people in relationships are afraid of hurting each other’s feelings, so they don’t tell the truth. This ends up hurting both people. If I understand B. correctly, the person who is withholding honesty actually ends up being hurt more because that person bottles up feelings, becomes stressed, and channels that stress into destructive outlets. If neither person in a relationship is being honest, both people end up repressing their emotions, and it’s all caused by fear and the lack of trust. And the foundation of any relationship should be trust and love.”
I love this blog, real or not.
I gotta agree with Amy. Just do whatever it takes, and then tell us about the makeup sex.
Is it still considered makeup sex if it’s their first time having sex?
That was refreshing, Amy. Honesty shmoneshty. I thought you were just some overprivileged twit who dined at Cafe Sebastienne and advised debtors to work 24 hours a day . . . I didn’t know you also were an overprivileged twit who believed in lying to save rotten relationships. A tip of the asshat to you, Amy.
Harlan, the whole honesty thing is utter crap. No human being wants complete honesty. The first time you tell her, “yes, your ass is the size of Montana, and your breath smells like road kill” you’ll find out just how much she wants utter honesty. What she means is that she is going to be free to tell you every single thought in her head and you are supposed to react to her every thought and feeling with complete and utter sensitivity. Plus do every single thing she wants you to do. You will be rewarded for this “honesty” by seeing more and more of her until she’s with you 24 hours a day. Won’t that be fun?
Today my soul is open to the universe. I breath in love and exhale tranquility.
I love Jaxon.
I love Asshat.
I love Harlan.
I love Amy.
I love fat hairy women.
Did your girlfriend just loan you some more pot money, Leland? Inhale deeply and celebrate your humanness.
Jesus Christ, Harlan. Do yourself a favor and go to ONE Gamblers Anonymous meeting. You might actually feel LESS alone to sit in a room full of other people who have also done something as insane as trying to get out of debt by playing online poker.
Kristian, it’s probably not make up sex, at least technically. I’m just trying to get Harlan’s foot in the door, so to speak.
I’ve been reading this for a while, and I have decided I’m finally going to comment. Harlan, don’t waste your time on this lady. She’s overly pushy and rude and doesn’t understand you. She expects too much from you too soon into your “relationship”, she babbles on about meaningless crap, and she’s too aggressive for you. You’re a hermit. Find a girl that’s into staying at home, not constantly speaking (at least about herself and how HER way is always the best way), and that can kick your ass at video games. That girl’s out there, man. Look for HER. Don’t waste your time on a Jane Austen, book-club talking lady. She’s not your type, not even close. I’m sure there’s a dude out there that would go for her, but end it early, before she finds out about your blog (she’s the kind of girl to do some serious research) and you hurt her feelings, ok? Love!
I have something else to add. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen the “Free Hug” people in your area (check out youtube, it’s a beautiful movement), but you should totally try that. You don’t talk, just a quick hug and I think that would fix your problem. Not that I’m a hippie or anything, but people who are as hermit-like as you seem to be, don’t get hugs a lot and that’s something everyone needs. I need hugs, too. I know it sounds simple-minded, but seriously, just try getting a hug and not being self-conscious about it. Maybe Richard could give you a hug. Somebody. If I was there, I totally would. Just hug it out.
Somebody should hug Bertha. She just lost 500 bcks
:(
Just hug it out, bitch.
This is the part where I would reiterate that I don’t like B., but you won’t listen.
ConGypsCo made me think of something: Harlan, do you play World of Warcraft?