The Readiness Is All
Posted by harlan on 13 Mar 2008 at 09:09 am | Tagged as: talking to the void
I feel strangely at ease. Not only am I not stressed about my date with B. tomorrow night, but I’m looking forward to it. (I’m calling her B. now because “Bertha” makes it sound like she’s a mean cow.) Since I don’t have a job, I’ve had a lot of time to think about things and sort out some of my issues. One problem area for me — obviously — is my approach to women. I realize now that I have demanded perfection in order to put up a shield. I get crushes on beautiful women that I have no chance of getting with. Even worse, I end up sabotaging any chance before it starts. I’ll either act too meek or I lash out. And I ignore everyone else as flawed.
I’m a new man.
I am now celebrating the humanness in everyone I meet. It’s my plan to treat any “flaw” as a potentially endearing trait that’s hindering inner beauty. This approach makes me feel better about myself, and it makes me feel better about other people.
It was B. herself who helped me to realize this. When she barged into my condo, I was furious at first. I normally would have yelled and cursed, but B. was so calm and matter-of-fact about the whole thing that curiosity got the best of me. She told me to sit down because what she had to say was going to take some time. And then she laid out her whole approach to life. I wish I could remember exactly what she said — something about not being held back by love we didn’t receive in the past but by love we’re not giving in the present. And she said our deepest fear is that we are not inadequate. Rather, our deepest fear is that we are powerful and good. Playing small doesn’t serve anyone. Once we free ourselves from fear, we learn to love. I hate to admit this, but I cried yet again.
I feel like I am falling backwards off a cliff, and B. is there to catch me. I’m a new man. I am ready. I even got pants from Walmart. The pants aren’t the best I’ve ever had, but the price was right.
I haven’t read anything quite as disturbing as this since your description of your genitalia.
I like this entry. All the time I’m reading your blog, I’m asking myself, “Is this guy real, or not?”
I’m thinking it’s a gift to make people wonder like that. Might even be why you won the bloggie. That air of mystery, not knowing whether you’re making it all up or telling about your life as it really is. I have to keep coming back to find out!
I am totally hooked. Did you feel like you were missing something, or that B. put you on a new path? These last two entries are at such a contrast from your previous ones, I have to wonder if you aren’t toying with your audience.
Time to rein it in, Harlan. You’re losing me. My bs meter is off the charts, man.
If I’m wrong, then more power to you–I would love to believe that it’s possible to make a 180 degree turn around like this in a matter of 24hours.
I look forward to hearing how things go with B. You shouldn’t have stolen the pants though–bad karma.
Yeah, this is starting to grate on my nerves, too. I’m longing for a big disaster. The pants theft lifts my spirits, though.
Have you ever heard “If you always do what you’ve always done - you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten”. So let loose of some of that baggage and keep an open mind. Good luck on your date. Just don’t propose over appetizers. Do you pray? You should look into that.
Excuse me, I’m feeling a little queasy here. I’ll be in the restroom until the next post.
How does one calmly barge into another’s house? Dude, you are full of shit.
“I hate to admit this, but I cried yet again.”
BWAHAHAHAH!
“I’m a new man.”
BWAHAHAHAH!
“I am now celebrating the humanness in everyone I meet.”
BWAHAHAHAH!
“And she said our deepest fear is that we are not inadequate. Rather, our deepest fear is that we are powerful and good. Playing small doesn’t serve anyone. Once we free ourselves from fear, we learn to love.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
I can’t breath I’m laughing so hard!!
I’ve only started reading you but…I really want to believe you are pulling my leg with this. That bit about B. quoting Mandela? Hmmm…
I read a rather inspirational quote this morning and thought about sharing it with you before deciding it was maybe a little too sappy. However, in light of today’s irrational exuberance, I have changed my mind:
Embrace Life
* Look at life in a new way.
* Make the most of rainy days.
* Reach new heights.
Embrace each day with the just right sweetness and trusted nutrition of Quaker LIFE. With whole grain Quaker Oats and an excellent source of B-vitamins to help convert food into energy, you’re ready to make the most of every day.
Embrace Life!
Oooooo the foreboding! This place could use some air freshener.
Do you really live in Utah? I think I used to date you. And its creeping me out a little.
I am ready to see the ending.
If this turns into a Shallow Hal sequel I’m done.
I love the people who are NOW just thinking this blog is fiction. Ah, and you say you have READ it?
Because that guy commented that “Harlan” should have gone off on B, now in this post he explains why he didn’t…
It’s easy to make up “the truth” when it’s all fake.
I’m leaving work so that I can get out in the world and ‘celebrate the humanness in everyone I meet”.
I’m so psyched!
Yo Harlaaaaaaaaan: be all the new man you wanna be, but don’t fall off the cliff. Anyone who sez they catch you isn’t mentioning the payback.
But do enjoy the date, dude.
Just think of all the money B has saved you in therapy!
This is going to turn out splendidly…
if she pukes on you again i think its a sure sign you should marry her.
I CANNOT WAIT to hear the play-by-play when Harlan loses his virginity to Bertha tomorrow night. Come on Harlan, James Frey doesn’t have sh*t on you!!!
Asshat don’t stay too long…
Did you hear about the lady who sat on the toilet too long & her body fat grew around the seat. THey had to take her & the toilet out.
I not only think the story is fiction, I think ‘Harlan” is writing the comments as well.
Old woman, by extension, you and must be “Harlan” as well…
Jackie W., I’m sorry but I can’t come out yet. The cloying sentiments in this post have disturbed and sickened me. I feel like the “new Harlan” just fed me a week-old eel roll. I think it’s possible that Trevor has killed Harlan in a rage of jealousy after losing at the bloggies and has taken over this blog. It’s not likely I’ll grow fat in here because I can’t keep any food down. Have you seen the can of Febreeze?
Herb - Irrational exuberance? Been reading Alan Greenspan lately?
Harlan - So, how many people have you met since this awakening? I only ask because “I am now celebrating the humanness in everyone I meet” is written in the present tense, which implies you are currently meeting people, not that you anticipate meeting people. Will this new outlook on life extend to rude teenagers at fast food joints and cashiers at the grocery store who can’t stop texting long enough ring you out? Just asking.
Also, you gotta get out while you can. Look at yourself! You experienced the worst date EVER (I think he’s in the running folks!). You’ve been phone stalked. She’s claimed you have a relationship after one date (a lot of people can’t even get a phone number after one date!). And then she unlawfully entered your condo. Now you’re sounding like the tail end of a Daniele Steel novel.
If you’re not careful, it won’t be long before she tells you there are some people she’d like you to meet, and before you know it you’ll be sucked into some night-worshiping, buzzed-hair, shower-hating, tree-hugging, communistic cult. Don’t do it man!
Vince says :
Harlan - So, how many people have you met since this awakening?
Only those who barge into his condo when it is unlocked.
Asshat -
Hope you have a lap top. Can I call you ass for short or do you prefer hat ?
Asshat - I love you.
I am pretty sure I suggested The Game by Neil Strauss already but I’m recommending it again. It’s a great guide on learning to approach women. David de Angelo is good too. Only slightly cocky and somewhat respectful, as compared to some of the other creepy weirdos featured in the book.
And ladies, back off. Asshat was my blog boyfriend from the very beginning. We shared a romantic funny Valentine… Ooh, am I starting to sound like Big Bounding Bertha?? Eep.
Oh one more thing. Today (March 14) is Steak and Blow Job Day. I’m sure Bertha already knows that but you may want to remind her, just in case.
Old Woman? I hadn’t thought about Harlan writing the comment section too. That really is rather pathetic if true….
However, he isn’t writing my comments. I’m real. I have even had the privilege of being criticized and condemned by Harlan. Truly a memorable experience.
But Harlan, now that you are celebrating and embracing flawed humanity does this mean you repent your nasty attitude toward me? It would be good practice for you. I’m as flawed as they come.
she’s so important to me, she makes me want to steal 19 dollar pants.
well I don’t know much but I do know misery…Having followed Harlan’s train wreck of a life, it is not hard for me to understand his new attitude. Since this is not only the first person in a while that has accepted him, but has sought him out, and seems akin or at least to understand his outlook…Harlan it seems like your not feeling so alone in a long time, and I feel glad for that(you)… I think it would be nice if I ever had the chance to smoke you out, someday.
The Wal-mart pants will rub violently against the polyester dress. Utah has a dry climate. There will be much static electricity created. With any luck at all, Bertha will then spontaneously combust and Harlan will be released from her thrall.
Moshizzle
…. The Game by Neil Strauss … It’s a great guide on learning to approach women.
Who needs to approach when they barge right into your condo !
Jaxon–You are not real and you know it because you are Harlan and I am Harlan. We are all Harlan. This “Blog” is not on the WWW, created by Al Gore, but is running on your local computer, as it is running on my local computer as it is running on Harlan’s local computer, which are all the same computer as you, me and he and all the rest of our “separate” identities collectively cannot even afford the internet and we are too lazy to walk down to the city library to do this.
So if I’m Harlan and everybody is Harlan, then how many Berthas and Richards are in in the whole world?
Joseph, none. in the whole world.
Bertha and Richard are included in “everybody.” Therefore, they are Harlan too.
Me too. I’m Harlan too. No, I take that back. I am “Harlan.”
Utah?
stan an wendy in reverse anyone????
Damn. “Harlan” … stop writing my comments.
And while you’re at it, have a good date. This could be good. Or it could bring stalking to a whole new level. Get laid if possible. Forget about you, do it for us.