I feel strangely at ease. Not only am I not stressed about my date with B. tomorrow night, but I’m looking forward to it. (I’m calling her B. now because “Bertha” makes it sound like she’s a mean cow.) Since I don’t have a job, I’ve had a lot of time to think about things and sort out some of my issues. One problem area for me — obviously — is my approach to women. I realize now that I have demanded perfection in order to put up a shield. I get crushes on beautiful women that I have no chance of getting with. Even worse, I end up sabotaging any chance before it starts. I’ll either act too meek or I lash out. And I ignore everyone else as flawed.

I’m a new man.

I am now celebrating the humanness in everyone I meet. It’s my plan to treat any “flaw” as a potentially endearing trait that’s hindering inner beauty. This approach makes me feel better about myself, and it makes me feel better about other people.

It was B. herself who helped me to realize this. When she barged into my condo, I was furious at first. I normally would have yelled and cursed, but B. was so calm and matter-of-fact about the whole thing that curiosity got the best of me. She told me to sit down because what she had to say was going to take some time. And then she laid out her whole approach to life. I wish I could remember exactly what she said — something about not being held back by love we didn’t receive in the past but by love we’re not giving in the present. And she said our deepest fear is that we are not inadequate. Rather, our deepest fear is that we are powerful and good. Playing small doesn’t serve anyone. Once we free ourselves from fear, we learn to love. I hate to admit this, but I cried yet again.

I feel like I am falling backwards off a cliff, and B. is there to catch me. I’m a new man. I am ready. I even got pants from Walmart. The pants aren’t the best I’ve ever had, but the price was right.