Some of you were bored by my description of what for me was one of the most intense weekends of my life. I am very sorry. I apologize if my life lacks the pizzazz of other bloggers. Perhaps I should have mentioned some other things that happened over the weekend:

* I had sex with Becky. Her fifth orgasm was so intense that she went into anaphylactic shock. Unfortunately, the medivac pilot had a heartache during the flight to the hospital, so I was forced to land the helicopter on the helipad with one hand while performing CPR with the other. At the hospital, I had sexual relations with two nurses while a third nurse had me sign the hardback edition of my most recent book.

* I shot and killed a goat from a neighboring farm.

* Zombies attacked the intentional community. Realizing the futility of trying to kill the undead, I bravely led us to our escape through ancient underground tunnels, where I discovered one of the tablets that Moses brought down from the mountain. Government officials whisked it away. That was interesting.

* The Academy tried to present me with a Lifetime Achievement Oscar for “Overall Excellence in Personality and Cinematic Taste.” I rejected the award due to Hollywood’s stereotypical representation of Cylons.

There. Satisfied?