Visiting My Brother, Part II
Posted by harlan on 25 Feb 2008 at 11:26 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
I don’t know why I felt so comfortable at my brother’s house. In a lot of ways, the whole setting revolted me. For some reason, that didn’t stop me from being a chatterbox. I kept asking Chuck and Becky question after question, sometimes alone, sometimes together. And these were very personal questions. I think I talked more this weekend than I have in the whole last year. It wore me out.
The biggest conversation topic — besides the nonsense about The Secret — was the open marriage. I kept asking how it worked, and they both sounded like they wanted to be hip. “Yuppie Puritans want to drag their fascist sexual repression into the bedroom.” Chuck sounded genuinely convincing. Becky sounded like she was going along for the ride. She seemed fine with the theory of open sexuality, talking about how jealousy, rage, and one other emotion (bitterness?) should be shunned in all instances, but the actual practice seemed to be a different matter. My brother is a charismatic, intelligent guy – and selfish. I think he had convinced Becky to live against her sweet nature.
On Saturday night, Chuck went out after dinner to be with some of his weirdo secret religious friends. After I finished doing the dishes in the kitchen, I went into the front room to hang out with Becky. The room was lit by candles and moonshine, and the light from the fire made the room glow. She was breast-feeding her youngest child, who was more than two years old. It made me dizzy to see that big fat kid lying on top of his mother. It seemed sexual. Part of me felt like I belonged there, like I had finally come home. A different part of me felt like I was visiting from a different planet.
I left the house, got in my car, and thought about driving home. I just couldn’t bring myself to turning on the ignition. So I slept in the back seat of the car for the second night in a row.
i get my best sleep in the car
You go for it Harlan,
Make a pass at Becky and see how far their open marriage actually goes.
You should have mumbled something about the law of attraction and hopped on top with your nephew. You wouldn’t have gotten sick from sleeping in your car. Today’s French lesson: menage a trois.
Dude your brother and becky seem just a tad off. Living in Amish town and joining a cult…(The right time is night time. The right time is night time) stay away!!
_a
Adam, there may be a chance that our dear Harlan is more than just a tad off, based on everything he’s shared with us here these past several months. He’d fit right in on the ol’commune. He’s ripe to be some whacko guru’s golden boy.
Chuck, you make a valid point. That’s what scares me. I think Harlan would make an awesome puppet. Harlan seems intelligent but very influential. That being said, Harlan have you considered becoming a guru? You already have a cult following. Just become a little more confident in yourself.
“Some say a comet will fall from the sky. Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves. Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still. Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits. Some say the end is near. Some say we’ll see Armageddon soon.”
The bro obviously went out to give Harlan the chance. Becky’s sweet nature = Becky’s a sap. Don’t touch her! RUN! The brother is a sicko who wants Harlan to know what he can’t have. They are laughing at him.
Ok now this isn’t even GOOD fiction. Come on “Harlan”! Write the story that you write best. Get another job so we can see you stalk the poor woman who says “Hi” to you… don’t go on any more trips. This is just dumb…
“The room was lit by candles and moonshine, and the light from the fire made the room glow. She was breast-feeding her youngest child, who was more than two years old. It made me dizzy to see that big fat kid lying on top of his mother. It seemed sexual. Part of me felt like I belonged there, like I had finally come home.”
Okay, this made me laugh so hard I choked on my coffee!
You’re killin’ me, dude!
Dude, you know people see me as being a bit different. I’ve got my quirks. People can’t stand to be around me for extended periods of time. And it is from this point of view that I can say…well, forget about it.
What I really really really want to know is what conversation derived from the fact that you slept in your car in their driveway? Not that I don’t understand the urge for the simplicity of isolation, but it was, ummmm, a socially akward act.
Here’s how I see it playing out:
becky: so, harlan, uh, did you sleep in your car last night?
harlan: yeah
becky and/or chuck: why? you knew that we had the spare bedroom all set up for you, right?
harlan: yeah
becky: so…why the car?
harlan: I prefer to sleep in my car…uh, it’s really comfortable.
chuck: what? are you serious?
harlan: yeah, so sometimes at home, if i’m having trouble sleeping i’ll go out to my car and turn the radio on and just hang out in the back seat, and then i get sleepy and just sleep in there. so, don’t be surprised if i sleep everynight out in my car while i’m visiting you. (damn it, harlan thinks to himself, god now i’ve got to go home today, ’cause there’s no way in hell i’m sleeping in my fucking car one more night).
harlan: so, i told you that i’m looking for a job and i just found out i have an interview tomorrow, so i’ll be heading back today.
Becky: tomorrow is sunday.
harlan: yeah, it’s a church and they want a computer guy…and so sunday is the best time to meet with them… I gotta go.
Leland, that was BRILLIANT.
Wow, Leland. You should have ghost-written a monologue for Harlan about his laundry methods. It would have been much more interesting.
Adam…. I’ve a suggestion to keep you all occupied…. learn to swim
Congrats. Now you know where my name came from. ;)
Leland needs to prompt Harlan to come clean about the fact that his brother is really his mother who is also Becky/Jane/Richard!
Let’s keep it real, guys!
I just decided to be an official ‘Harlan’s cult follower’.
Who’s with me, guys?! Come on…give it up! Harlan’s THE man!
Nice call Tewlie =) Ever see them live?
Actually Sandi, I think Harlan is a woman but I’m with you!
I hope the Bloggies understand that this blog is FICTION and should be labeled as so.
Isn’t it too cold to sleep in your car ?
Oh, man, even if this IS fiction, I don’t even care anymore! I’m HOOKED! Finish the story, Harlan! Finish the story!
When I was in sixth grade, I had a friend who had a four year old sister. One day after lunch at his place, his sister went to her mother and said, “I want my zert.” Mom was obviously more than a little embarrassed, but the kid was insistent. “I want my zert! I want my ZERT!! GIMME MY ZERT,” she cried, tugging at mom’s shirt.
“What’s a zert?” I asked my friend.
“She wants her dessert,” my friend said rather sheepishly.
“Sounds good to me,” I replied, whereupon my friend flushed red with embarrasment.
Mom finally capitulated, sat down on the couch, pulled up her shirt and popped out a zert dispenser, whereupon the kid–this kid who was well over the age of four–began to suckle.
I desided that dessert wasn’t such a good idea after all and asked if I could go jump on the trampoline.
“Can I have some of that too, with whipped cream?”
Ignatius Reilly is that you?
You read too much, kid.
I say when the kid’s old enough to ask for it then it’s a year past time to get them off the tit.
Adam, yes. ;)
“I say when the kid’s old enough to ask for it then it’s a year past time to get them off the tit.” Words to live by
Hurry up Harlan…we all NEED to know if Becky becomes your lesbian lover and if The Secret will fund your sex change operation.
Stop making us beg…it just isn’t fair!
LOL I have sat here and read almost the whole thing - too funny! LELAND - you make this blog so much more entertaining with your comments, I look for them after every post and was sad when you were MIA for a couple of days.
Ahhh, I can’t tell if it’s real or fake, Harlan has definately changed during the posts. All I ask is please don’t stop, I am way too amused.
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