I’m Sorry, Jane
Posted by harlan on 21 Feb 2008 at 04:08 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
Here’s an email message I got today.
[Harlan]:
This morning, a friend of mine forwarded a link to www.soveryalone.com to me, saying, "I just found this wierd website from the Bloggies award page! Does this sound like someone you know?" I think she was kidding around, but based on the time you stole my plant and the rose plant you sent me for Valentines day I am positive this is really your blog, "Harlan." And I have never been so disgusted in my entire life.
I can’t believe I used to try to be your friend, while meanwhile you were entertaining your little friends describing your creepy stalker behavior toward me. I used to feel sorry for you being fired (even though you say here that you quit, in a story so full of lies I don’t even know where to start).
I am going to say this one time, "Harlan." DO NOT EVER MENTION ME IN YOUR BLOG AGAIN. DO NOT SEND ME FLOWERS OR ANYTHING ELSE, AND DO NOT TRY TO CONTACT ME. DON’T EVEN REPLY TO THIS EMAIL If you do, I promise you that I will tell HR, "Richard" and everyone else you mention in your little blog about this, and I guarantee some of them will be a lot less fair about this than I am being.
I don’t like having to be like this, "Harlan," but you don’t leave me any choice. I am absolutely serious about this.
You need to get some help.
[Jane]
I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. I’ve heard other people say that before when they’re talking about something really bad happening to them, but I’m surprised how literal that feeling is. It’s really like I’ve been punched.
I’m sure Jane is reading this, so I hope she’ll forgive me for mentioning her one last time here, as an apology: I’m so sorry I hurt you, Jane. I hope you can forgive me some day. Not that I have any right to expect it, and I promise I won’t bother you again.
I’m already set to go out to see my brother tomorrow, so I’ll be gone for a couple days. That’s for the best anyways, because I need to think about whether I ought to have this blog at all. The thought of anyone (or everyone!) else I know finding out about this is about the most humiliating thought I have ever had.
For real? hmmm… well…
Funny your sidebar is advertising a romance quiz. Maybe if you have no earthly obligations going to a third world country and doing good works would help. Give a little perspective and help you figure out what is important in life. And maybe you’ll meet a cute peace corp volunteer to be friends with.
Wow. I really think Jane overreacted. Futhermore, she’s “going to tell HR”? What is she, five? She’s going to report you to a company you don’t even work for anymore? What bullshit. Jane should mind her own damn business. You’ve done her the favor of not using her real name, but quite honestly, you’re free to write about whomever you please. And while clearly she’s trying to threaten you, I don’t understand with what, precisely. Freedom of speech, lady.
But, for the love of god, Harlan, don’t pay this crazy lady any more of your time.
I just had a great idea: Inter-personal relationship malpractice insurance.
This is exactly what you need. I guess it would essentially take the form a prepaid legal service…
I kind of feel scammed that Harlan isn’t your real name.
Ouch. It was only a matter of time.
This probably isn’t of any help to you, but think about it: This would have been much, much worse if you were still employed.
Of course, if you think about it more you begin to realize that [Jane] now knows you’re a liar, a compulsive thief, and that you have a gambling problem. Probably a good idea to reign in the kleptomania for a while.
Finally, you do realize that your most recent post flagrantly defies her demand to never mention her here again, right?
You picked the right week to get out of town.
But knowing you, you’re going to come back and tell us that your brother came home from work late to find you in the laundry room boinking his wife.
Buy some crutches now so you have them available after he busts your kneecaps.
Clearly you are attracted to the wrong girls. I don’t have any helpful suggestions as I am consistently drawn to the wrong guys. I know exactly why but I have no intention of doing the sort of self-analysis required to break this cycle. I’d rather be alone. For what it’s worth, I don’t like Jane very much. She seems self-obsessed and arrogant. I thought the way you described your feelings was eloquent and heartfelt. I wonder what your sister thinks of the Becky love triangle.
wow, thats tough..
this just proves shes not right for you.
Valentine is supposed to be the holiday for forbidden love and anonymous gifts and letters of love.
[Jane], if your reading this, you need to take your head out of your arse. remember that you are a fragile human who could one day be hit by a bus and not have a job, social life, or privacy ever again. Get the fuck back down to earth!!!
hmm definitely the best blog ever…
so entertaining..
what are the odds of jane finding abt this blog..
what are the odds that harlan mentions abt closing his email and 2 days later.. he gets an email from jane.. wow thats damn shit luck..
to be honest dont pay attention to what ever the fuck jane says u carry on with your writings… she is threating you like a 3 yr old would if u take away her candy bar.. hmph!!!
How is it Jand has your PERSONAL email address?
Kid - you ask a VERY good question
Harlan - I think you went to far here buddy.. now where is this story going to go……. hmmm I have a feeling it will be something to do with your trip to your brothers. The fact you been talking about Becky - - yeah I agree with Herb - dont come home and say I fucked Becky I feel bad yada yada yada yada… cuz remember Herb called it…
_a
This shit is unreal.
Uh, guys, look below the “Archives” sidebar. She e-mailed Harlan via the blog.
Yeah guys duh.
1. You can write about anything you want.
2. You don’t work for the company anymore.
3. Even if Jane feels weird to suddenly discover a whole online community talking about her, you always put her in a good light. You were simply telling your side of the story with the purest of heartfelt emotions.
Oh…. nevermind
It’s kind of unbelievable that she would use your “blog name” in a private e-mail to you when she’s used to calling you by your real name, isn’t it?
Boinking Becky in the laundry room might not be such a bad plan. You have an alibi if accused of that because you always wear the same clothes and hardly ever do laundry.
jane sounds like a real bitch. you should not be afraid of her…. perhaps the hr police will get you.
Okay, seriously… I could have written that email. None of the information contained with in was unique, I recall reading about all of it here on this site. How hard would it have been for someone to just make it all up?
Of course, we don’t see the headers or from address, so maybe it is totally legit.
And… what *exactly* is she going to get from “telling HR” about you? Or all your “friends” at this old company? Doesn’t sound very threatening. Oh no, people at the last place you worked think you are weirder! So scary :/
1. you should write for daytime tv
2. [jane] needs to get a TRO and stop feeding her own misery by “interacting” with it
3. you must grow up and realize that you are the only person responsible for your happiness - not your brother or some girl you used to know when you were a bundle of unkempt emotions
4. you should try emailing Isabella, she’s clearly into you
Chuck: The [brackets] around Harlan’s and Jane’s names at the top and bottom of the email probably mean that Harlan switched out the real names. I’ve seen brackets around text like that in newspapers when a quotation contains text not in the source material.
The quotes around other names in the email probably mean “Jane” was intending sarcasm by using them, saying she knew who they really were and was condescending to use the fake names the way Harlan was.
I think Harlan should boink whomever he can, whereever and whenever he can. I also think that if he wasn’t able to summon enough courage to call a prostitute when that’s the express purpose for his visit to Vegas, he’d never be able to give his sister in law the business.
As to what “Jane” could tell HR, well, she could tell the HR rep where her LCD picture frame went, for one thing.
Looks like Harlan and Jane were a potential match made in heaven. Their writing styles are exactly the same.
Love the saga, regardless.
I’ll buy the brackets, Stephen, but not the use of the blog names in the text. It’s just too convenient for Harlan that [Jane] chose to use the fake names there and doesn’t really add enough sarcasm to the letter to make it sound natural.
And, with a name like yours, you should consider running for Congress sometime.
If Jane’s letter is real and if Harlan is real……
Jane doesn’t have a leg to stand on. He USED A FAKE NAME for her! He didn’t use anything that could identify her out of a million others. “Jane” is a fitting pseudonym for someone so ordinary.
Dumbass. (Jane.)
Sounds like Stephen J. Solarz is either Harlan’s lawyer, publicist or works for a Nigerian personal identity verification agency.
so very fabricated.
Jane sounds like a fairly smart woman… there is NO WAY she would email “Harlan”. NO WAY! She would just ignore it. And threatening about HR, like someone said above - YOU DON’T WORK THERE ANYMORE! There is nothing they can do.
See Harlan, when you write fiction, you need to think about this stuff a little more and remember your previous stories. Even though we are losing brain cells every time we come here and read this crap, MOST of us are intelligent enough to know fiction when we read it.
Good luck at your “brothers”
Jane and Becky are going to become lesbian lovers and Harlan will find out his brother is really his long lost birth mother who’s had a sex change.
Stay tuned!!
In the off chance that this is for real, I agree with JL. She’s going to tattle on you? Big freakin deal. To whom, a company you don’t work for anymore? Some gay guy who you don’t want to be friends with anyway, who treated you in a fashion you didn’t appreciate when you did accept his invitation to coffee and hanging out? Oooh, big loss, she’s going to tattle to 2 people you have nothing to do with anymore about something perfectly legal you’re doing she doesn’t appreciate? Somebody call the waaaaaaaaaaaaambulance. As long as you leave everything anonymous I don’t see how it’s anyone’s business but your own if you blog. Assuming the letter’s real I’d be more interested in hearing about the real version of you getting fired.
Maybe I’m a little vindictive but if someone told me I’d better never mention my fictional character which I based on them with a different name, on my own private blog, I do believe I’d go nuts with the mentions.
Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane JaneJane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane Jane lame
_a
“Jane” I will just tell “them” In a earlier post I stated that someone from IS stated they had your site hitting the firewall. Harlan I am sorry, but I told “Jane” about your site. I really thought she should know. Harlan I think you do need some help.
Also what’s this coffee thing? We never met for coffee Harlan, never. So I am asking again please call me.
“Richard”
LOL! Sandi!
Chuck, I’m glad you remember me. Since my defeat in 1992, I have been very, very lonely. Indeed, one could say I am So Very Alone.
I am considering running for congress again. If elected, I shall declare a national Aloneness day, in which all who have somebody shall be forced into seclusion. Those who are already secluded may remain as they are.
Richard is really Harlan’s sister, in drag!
Or even better Stephen, you could declare a “National Starbucks Day” for all the losers so that they could have coffee with all the Richards (aka ‘dicks’) in their lives!
bwahahaha, I crack myself up!
Everyone’s right. What can she do? Accuse you of GOSSIP? Especially given that you’re not using real names (apparently. that hurts a little.). You’re not stalking her, unless you count the flowers. You’re not calling her. SHE contacted YOU, not the other way around. You’ve made your mistakes, that’s for sure, but, in case Jane didn’t notice, you’ve been “fired.”
And if Richard’s reading: your the stupidest gay guy I’ve ever met. COME ON! Telling Jane that Harlen has this website will score you no brownie points. And for the record, I think you’re just saying you never had coffee so you don’t get dragged into this if HR or the police get involved (which they won’t).
Have fun at your brother’s, Harlan. Look at all the ways that they’re miserable, and then realize that at least half of them are her fault. If you don’t think they’re miserable, you’re not looking hard enough.
http://ohchagall.blogspot.com/
Sandi and everyone else,
No need for naming calling. First of all I dont like Starbucks all that much. Also, I would not go to the Starbucks by my work. A um ex friend works there.
The thing you people need to know 90% of this “bs” is fact. I am not sure why Harlan decided to lie about meeting me for coffee. I guess, like I said before he just really needs some help.
By the way Sandi “Jane” is my friend as well. This site has gotten around quite a bit at work. I felt she should know this way she could talk with Harlan, and let him know she is hurt by this freaky site.
Harlan I am glad your making “friends” online but I think you should stop talking about me and please for Janes sake stop talking about her.
“Richard”
I don’t know if you should bother running in the 13th, Congressman. Get your resume ready. You may not be lonely for long. If the Dems get back in, they’ll need people with foreign policy experience to be undersecretaries, ambassadors, etc.
I’m really confused. I’d never really considered the possibility of this blog being a fake, but I can’t avoid this letter thing to feel a little bit weird. It all seems too perfectly wrong. You’re that guy with the rain over your head. You’re that creepy nerd with a small penis. You are. You’re such an stereotype I’m beginning to feel bored. I hope you find your place, Harlan.
“I felt she should know this way she could talk with Harlan, and let him know she is hurt by this freaky site.”
Dumbest.statement.ever.
So she could let him know she is hurt by this freaky site, that she didn’t know existed, until you told her, so she could talk to Harlan, and tell him to quit writing about her, on this freaky site, that she didn’t even know existed, until you decided to “help”.
Also, you and Jane want to try your story again? Notice anything here?
“This morning, a friend of mine forwarded a link to www.soveryalone.com to me, saying, “I just found this wierd website from the Bloggies award page! Does this sound like someone you know?” I think she was kidding around….”
Sheesh, Harlan, this is getting a bit crazy, what with everyone you know from work reading your blog. I guess you’ll need to decide if you’re comfortable with that.
Ask yourself this: has the blog helped you? Is it the writing, or is it the community, too? If it’s just the writing, get a journal. If having people listen to you makes a difference, keep the blog and learn to deal with people you know reading it.
Anyhow, we’re pulling for you, whatever you choose.
Tewlie as I said other people at work are reading this before she knew about it. They were laughing at her and behind her back, because of this site, hense the hurting part. And this is why I decided to tell her.
I wish Harlan all the best. I just hope he can write about something other then Jane and myself. I am not that interesting - just your avg guy.
“Richard”
“Harlan-Richard”–welcome aboard! I assume that your character is being more fully utilized? Good to have you and it’ll be great to get your perspective on the “reality” of
“Harlan’s” life. I’m assuming that “Harlan-Jane” is soon to follow? I’m guessing that “Harlan-Harlan” was slipping in the ratings as a one-”man” show?
Loving “it” and getting “carried away” with the “apostrophes”!
wellwellwell lol
Ok, maybe I’m the slow one here, and assuming this is real. . . why would the people at work reading this blog be laughing at “Jane” behind her back? “Richard” just be honest you told “Jane” about “harlans” blog because you were hurt that he wasn’t interested in you. “Harlan” this is YOUR blog and YOU can write about WHATEVER and WHOMEVER YOU WANT! Don’t be bullied by ANYONE!
“Jane” looked quite the fool when “Harlan” took her “plant” and “returned” it the “same night” without her or anyone else “ever knowing about it.”
“l”o”l” “I” “l”"o”"v”"e” “t”"h”"i”"s” “s”"i”t”"e
Why is this site “freaky”, besides the obvious over use of quotations, lol. “Richard” have you perused the internet lately, there are many more sites that could be considered freaky.
OK freaky probably was not the correct word to use. I should really stop reading this. If “Jane” does decide to contact HR your all right really nothing can be done to Harlan, however people have been fired for having certain things on their Myspace pages.
“Richard”
Hey “Richard”, if you are the one that told “Jane” about “Harlan’s” blog, how come “Jane” is referring to you as a she in her email? Nice try dude, but you are obviously a poser and not the real “Richard”.
fake RICHARD.. go go go!!!
Hey dumb ass she was protecting me. Which is why I said:
—
“Jane” I will just tell “them” In a earlier post I stated that someone from IS stated they had your site hitting the firewall. Harlan I am sorry, but I told “Jane” about your site. I really thought she should know. Harlan I think you do need some help.
—
You people have trust issues. I dont care if you think I am “Richard” my name is not even “Richard”
“Richard”
Yeah, I don’t think “Richard” is really “Harlan-Richard” either. He may be “Richard” or even Richard, but he ain’t no “Harlan-Richard”, that’s for sure. And I won’t even get into possible sobriquets, but “Richard” is really startin’ to act like one…
Besides, his language usage, grammar and spelling is way too off for a man of his lifestyle–not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Will the reeeeaaal “Harlan-Richard” please stand up, please stand up…
I’ve been reading this blog for sometime and if that bitch “Richard” ever sets foot in this restaurant I’ll call the police!
People, um, “Richard” is not Richard and, truth be told, “Harlan” is not even Harlan. Harlan is “Jane” and I am Jane. Got it? Now, please, sit back and enjoy. It’s great having all y’all aboard. Well, all six of you, according to IP addresses, that is.
Thank you “jane” lol
Wellwellwell,
Call a spade a spade. What am I starting to act like??
By the way I did not write the above comment “”Thank you “jane” lol”"
I am leaving work everyone. I wish you all the best. I will not be viewing this site this weekend at all. I am headed up north for some weekend fun. It’s my Birthday! 24 I am getting old.
“Richard”
what the fuck has been going on on this site. ??? is it real? i can’t tell anymore. i thought no…then maybe yes, and now no & yes, all within the same post
This is like the end of that cheezy ’80s movie with Lilly Tomlin and Bette Midler wrapped around the last six months of the Nixon administration.
Directed by Oliver Stone.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Amish country a tired man is walking through the door when a steady ‘whump, whump, whump, whump’ from deep within the house forces him to ponder “is that damn dryer on the fritz AGAIN?”
Herb, when an Amish clothes dryer goes on the fritz, it frays and falls off the pole. Whump, whump, whump, whump would be the sound of Becky getting banged against the butter churn.
Acknowleged, Asshat. I always get the Amish and the Mennonites confused. :)
Asshat, I’m going to run 20 red lights in your honor.
A fitting tribute, Leland.
i’m calling shenaniganz
“Tewlie as I said other people at work are reading this before she knew about it. They were laughing at her and behind her back, because of this site”
It doesn’t sound like anyone other than you would know enough about Harlan to even recognize this as being him. He doesn’t state where he lives, the name of the company you work for, he doesn’t use anyone’s real name….. so how would all these people at work be reading this and laughing at Jane, knowing it was her?
Harlan seems to have trouble even speaking to anyone unless it is work related. Sorry, but I am not believing that random people in the office found this site and instantly knew it was the guy you all worked with and recognized who Jane was. It’s pretty obvious you have either told all these people, or Jane told all these people about the plant and other encounters she had with him.
How is it you knew all these people at the office were reading it, “Richard”? *Ahem* You goofed by saying that ;)
Gossip much?
Rather than Jane emailing Harlan direct, would it not be more fun for her to have simply posted some truth/revenge on this comments forum for us all to read!
This blogs blows hot and cold, but still good fun!
this site has become like one of those silly soap operas. the drama unfolds everyday and yet it comes across as funny. the funniest part being that strangers are now fighting over someone/something that we all can’t quite point out as fact or fiction.
heck i’ve been confused since day 1 yet i keep comin back. ah…entertainment, that’s what it is. that’s what this is all about ;)
I’ve been reading for a few weeks now and while I do feel bad for you I couldn’t go without saying
IRONYYYYYYY
I mean really what are the odds
It wasn’t random people reading the site. Someone from IS (I wont give out any names) found logs of this site - from Harlan I assume. She/He started reading it and started to send out the link to a few people. Well it doesnt take long here for things to spread. People were puttin things together. People started to make jokes to “Jane” I said something to her thinking she knew about the site. I was wrong, so I told her about it.
“Richard”
Yoohoo. Harlan? You can’t fool us! We all know you’ve been boinking Richard all weekend in celebration of his birthday. Admit it…you’ll go any way that’ll have you.
Oh yes, and the biggest surprise of all was when Jane jumped out of the cake!
Sandi . . . . nope I have nothing just hahahahaaha
_a
I knew Jane was a huge bitch.
That e-mail sounds like it was written by Harlan himself — much like the rest of this site, a big social experiment/joke. I’ve stopped reading because I realized this shit is all fake! LULZ!
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