Richard sent me a long email message that seemed polite and condescending at the same time. It’s as though he thinks he’s superior to me because he’s got a job and I don’t. He loves talking about my problems, but the guy’s got his own problems. For crying out loud, he’s gay and his favorite movie is Top Gun! I agreed to meet him for coffee today, so I showed up at the Starbucks near my old work. I’d forgotten how much I hate the music in Starbucks. Who the hell is Robert Plant? And you know what else stinks about Starbucks? The pastries. How hard is it to get donuts and danish rolls that taste like they were made this week? Anyway, I was in a foul mood when I met Richard, and I’m still in a foul mood.

He started by apologizing for telling me to stop leering at women. He said it was none of his business and he just wanted to help me recognize a blind spot. And then he apologized for some other advice he’d given me in his email about not being so extreme (he went on a long spiel about how I was too timid or too bold, too quiet or too loud, blah blah blah). I accepted his various apologies and almost felt like we were on equal footing, so I decided to answer his question about why I was so reluctant to visit my brother. That’s when he pissed me off again.

Here’s the deal. Back in the college days, I was in love with the most beautiful woman in the whole world. Becky was bright and charming and funny. She was all I could think about. She was all I dreamed about. To make a long and painful story short (and still painful), Becky is currently married to my brother. Instead of sympathizing with my betrayal and joining me in my bitter hatred of my brother, Richard decided to play lawyer.

Was I actually dating Becky?

Did I think my brother might have been telling the truth when he spouted his bullshit about thinking Becky and I were just friends?

I’m afraid Richard had a hostile witness. Of course I was dating Becky! We sat next to each other in class, we studied together, we had lunch together, we went on walks after class. I loved her and she loved me! Just because we didn’t see movies together and go out on traditional “dates” and have sex doesn’t mean we weren’t in love! I was pissed. Instead of making a big scene and yelling at Richard, I just got up and walked away.

I’m thinking about turning off email.