Valentines Day
Posted by harlan on 14 Feb 2008 at 11:42 am | Tagged as: talking to the void
Being alone on Valentines day is not really bad at all. It’s not like being alone on Christmas, where you really feel the weight of solitude. The truth is, no man I know really likes Valentines Day. I’ve heard men describe it as a test, one that’s impossible to answer correctly.
The holiday asks the question, “How much do you love your girlfriend or wife?” And the answer must be in the form of an object, accompanying flowers.
The test is graded subjectively, and the grade can be changed without notice.
So, on this day of love, I am happy as can be to be alone.
However, knowing that Jane likes plants, I have arranged to have FTD deliver the “Village Rose Basket” to her office, from “An Anonymous Admirer.” Because I expect she thinks about Valentines Day differently than I do.
So, congratulations. You’ve taken Herb’s advice and become a stalker. Once Jane figures out who sent them, she’ll think differently about those roses than you do, too. Did you send the large basket? It’s rather expensive. I guess you still must be solvent.
I know that you don’t know it, but you should know what everyone else knows about you, even people that don’t know you: You are transparent. I don’t mean invisible, but rather, I mean obvious/easily understood/recognized for who you are.
In other words, Jane will have absolutely, positively, 100% certain who sent the flowers.
And she’ll probably call the cops, call the firm’s attorney’s, call her own attorney, and/or hire a private investigator.
What are you thinking? Jane has made it very clear to you. Harlan Harlan Harlan… get over Jane.. keep fishing
Harlan Quin–That’s a nice looking flower arrangement, but I agree with Adam–move on. Oh, welcome back, of course, and happy Valentine’s Day to you, in whatever way you choose to spend it.
You are going to end up being the only virgin listed in the sex offenders’ registry.
Creepy. She will totally know it’s you and the next thing ya know you’ll be served with a restraining order.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY HARLAN! :-)
http://www.ohchagall.blogspot.com/
happy vday
Right on!
Don’t listen to these bozos, just remember Herb’s three simple rules for stalking, and you’ll be fine.
1) Don’t touch her.
2) Stay away from her property.
3) Don’t carry anything that could be construed as a weapon.
She cost you your job (really you gave it up but there’s no point quibbling about that now), but now there’s nothing else she or the cops or anyone can do to you–so long as you play by the rules.
Oh, there is a rule #4: Give it up immediately if you see her with any guy that’s less of a whimp than you, unless he’s a Mennonite or a Quaker. As we know from the movie Witness, they are not prone to violence.
Wait a minute. In your case, you should give it up even if you do see her with a Mennnonite or a Quaker.
Asshat, I’m sorry I ever called you asshat. That wasn’t fair of me. Solvency isn’t much of a problem yet. Living on my own with a good income made it easy to save. $15k on gambling was stupid, but it wasn’t the end of the world for me, financially. And while the $12k mac was expensive, it’s on a card. I had planned to pay it off over a year because I had it interest-free for that year, but for now I’ll just make the minimum payments until I get a new job. Basically, everyone who is so worried about whether I’ve squandered everything can relax. I still have savings.
Everyone who thought my sending flowers was wrong, creepy, or obvious, I don’t agree. I think Jane will like them, and I think she’ll like the idea of someone sending her a gift. I doubt she’ll think they’re from me, because she’s a very pretty girl who has lots of admirers. I doubt she’s even thought about me once since I left the company, in fact.
You didn’t call me an asshat, Harlan. I chose the name myself as the shoe fits. I’m glad to hear you’re still in the chips, so to speak. As far as the flowers go, once again you’re being a cockeyed optimist. Jane would probably love to get flowers from an anonymous admirer, but unless she’s incredibly stupid, she’ll easily figure out the identity of the sender and the shit will hit the fan.
I don’t know, Herb. I once had a Mennonite in a SUV run me into a ditch once while I was riding my bike past their church while their service was letting out one Sunday morning. Maybe he didn’t mean it, but if a large, angry Mennonite was chasing me, I’d run like hell.
As haggard as it is, Happy Valentines day Harlan. I’m sure Jane will really like the flowers.
I’ll throw my vote in the “it’s a bad idea” camp but seeing as it has already been done, well all i can say is good luck and if you aren’t served a restraining order or a cop doesn’t show up to your door telling you to back off, I’ll consider that very very good luck.
Harlan,
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Flowers are lovely, but if you really wanted to knock her off her feet, you should have sent her the DVD set of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle.
Christine, not all women dig that sappy crap. The books are better anyway.
Yes, I am a woman, and BTW if I got flowers I wouldn’t like it. Even from my bf. They’re a waste!
Not Me-
You’re right; not everyone appreciates that sappy crap. Only about 95%. Maybe 90%.
My gf LOVES flowers.. I think they are pointless myself.. $30-60.00 on something that is going to die right away. Never-the-less they make her smile, so I gladly fork over the 60.00.
_a
I don’t see anything wrong with sending someone flowers in the spirit of the holidays. It’s a non-hostile gesture from a person who used to really care about her.
wow, it seems that most of you here are idiots. she will probably like the flowers, but thats up to her. whether or not she figured out who sent them is a different story.
1) she has no reason to believe they are from him. he stole her plant and she didnt give him a chance to ask her out, so she doesnt know about his little crush. also, most workplaces like his have an unwritten “out of sight out of mind” mentality when it comes to coworkers.
2) flowers from an anonymous admirer on valentines day is no grounds for an investigation by the police because a) the police would be busy as hell on that day, and b) the flower shops would lose a hell of alot of business.
3) most women have some psychological links in their brain that connects flowers to the part of their brain that creates endorphins, which makes them happy. so when most women get flowers, they get positively ecstatic.
I had to say that to support my next point. to all you numbskulls who think “whats the point of buying flowers if their gonna die anyway” my rebuttal is “why would you buy chocolate if its gonna make them fat and turn to shit anyway?” think outside the box a little people!
Harlan, happy valentine’s day brother, and i say good on you for doing something nice for someone on VD, even though the circumstances of it may be a little uncomfortable.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Harlan!
Being alone really isn’t that bad. Have a good weekend! maybe you could get in touch with Richard. just a thought!
Ah, Harlan! Glad to have you back! Happy Valentines! Im sure Jane will LOVE the flowers, but she will probably know they’re from you. It sounds like you are ALOT more visably emotional than you seem to notice. What with the mennonite, and richard telling you to “Stop staring at women”. People already realize what you think, you just need to portray yourself differently.
But then again, if you listening to me, it’d be the blind leading the blind.
So glad you’re still solvent. Does this mean you’ll consider my tv situation? I’d be much more appreciative than Jane.
While you’re throwing money around I need a new TV as the remote quit working on the one I have. Now I can’t watch DVDs anymore. Can you believe they make a tv that cannot be set to DVD mode unless the remote works? You can’t set it with the tv buttons. What a ripoff.
I’m getting ready to have surgery on a torn rotator cuff in my shoulder and I really need to be able to watch movies while I recuperate. What do you say Harlan? Wanna throw some cash my way?
I understand that women have unrealistic expectations of men. But how hard is it for a guy to pay attention and figure out how to make his girl feel a little extra special just once a year? If you care about someone, you should already know what turns her on and how to make her smile. Why is it such a bad thing to want that? I would love to meet a guy who could figure out that all I needed today was a heart drawn on a post-it note and today’s crossword puzzle.
Moshizzle,
Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
And when you speak, are you smart?
But don’t change a hair for me,
Not if you care for me,
Stay little valentine, stay
Every day is Valentine’s Day.
Oh Asshat, you do make me laugh. Who is really the funny Valentine? I am so glad I declined a booty call ten minutes ago. Will you be mine, you slightly dopey gent?
Can’t Jane just call the florist and ask who sent them? Did you give them a name?
If you don’t want to buy Jaxon a new TV, may I suggest this? http://tinyurl.com/yqwef3
Jaxon, you might even be able to swing that on your own!
There was a lady in our office that received flowers from a man - she had made it very, very, very clear that she was not interested in him — guess what she did with them the moment they delivered them? She threw them in the trash.
He hadn’t signed the card, but she knew who they were from immediately. Give it up Harlan, have some pride.
bc, by any chance, do you happen to work at a large law firm in a city outside of Ohio that’s about 5 hours away from a reservation casino?
Have you thought of hiring a life coach ?
I am a girl. I believe Valentine’s Day is a big, corporate sham. I also think flowers are a huge huge waste. Beautiful, but wasteful.
I’m with Mo. Gimme a little token–something that shows that you pay attention. My honey got me all organic, recyclable, biodegradable, proceeds-go-to-saving-the-bees, Beeceuticals stuff. It was thoughtful on every single level. I made him a steak (I don’t eat beef, so we never have it in the house), baked his favourite brownies and didn’t grouse while he played video games.
Love is not a once-per year holiday. That said, sharing the love doesn’t have to be a boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband. One of the best parts of my day yesterday was when the groomer at my vets walked up and handed me a little bag of Candy Hearts and wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day. I’ve never had my dogs groomed, and have only seen this lady in passing, but it was the sweetest gesture and it made my day.
Happy (belated) Valentine’s Day, Harlan and all your beautiful commenters!
Harlan,
see, you’re not so very alone after all. look a this wacky little community you’re building here. It warms my little punkin’ heart to see all the love floating around in the comments this Valentines Day.
like swtkaroline said, “Happy (belated) Valentine’s Day, Harlan and all your beautiful commenters!”
Dude, she’ll know. You’re effed.
DanK, thanks for the thought. I’ve bought TWO remotes and neither will come up with the code for my Emerson TV. Most brands list a couple of codes, Emerson lists about 50. None of the listed codes work and none of the code searches come up with anything that affects my tv. I’ve punched in numbers until I’m blue in the face and it will not mate with my TV. I’m so frustrated.
I guess Harlan is not inclined to make my Valentine’s day, huh? A girl just can’t get a break.
Jaxon: Hmmm, quite the conundrum. Perhaps try this universal option for your Emerson TV: http://www.dickblick.com/zz604/48/?wmcp=google&wmcid=products&wmckw=60448-1412-6869
Jaxon, here’s another solution. Try it, then go read a book.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5PF7uuSgaI&NR=1
Tim? I’m afraid I don’t understand the wooden dowel mystery. And Chuck, thanks for enabling me to watch that moment of tv agression, it helped. I have wanted to through this Emerson off my balcony but this torn rotator cuff wouldn’t allow that. But thanks for caring about my litle problem. If I had this kind of male attention in real life I would be a happy girl.
Jaxson: Sorry, I should have explained. Depending on how far you sit from your television, select a dowel or dowels of appropriate width and length (you may need to use duct tape [or “duck” tape if you hail from West Virgina], electrical tape, bailing wire [if you hail from Wyomin’], a glue gun [if you happen to be a ninny] or some combination of the preceding to affix one or more to each other)and then sit back and change channels, adjust volume or hey, poke a cat, to your lil’ hearts content. Make sense?
Hey Mr. Harlan: do you like old folks, or dogs or kids? Do you hate to see folks go hungry? Do your and someone else’s heart some good, and spend some time or flower money where it will be well received.
Pulling for you, kid.