On a Different Note…
Posted by harlan on 05 Feb 2008 at 09:20 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
I have to confess that I wasn’t able to make it through all the comments to that last post. Some of you people are sick. And here’s something. You know how I was saying that it’s important for me to tell the truth on this blog?
Well, forget that!
I’ll just make one quick statement to correct some possibly misleading ideas. First, I’m not really shy. I’m a social butterfly.
Second, I’m a very attractive man. I look like Brad Pitt with George Clooney’s hair. Even though my penis is the size of a baguette, I’m quite attentive in bed, especially with Victoria Secret models.
I had a busy, busy day. This morning, I took my yacht for a cruise and ran across a boat that was stranded. I had to cancel my appointment with the Prime Minister of Venezuela to tow this other yacht back into the harbor for repairs. Well, it turns out they were doing a shoot for Playboy, and they invited me to board the yacht.
I’m not one to boast, but let’s just say they wore me out.
When we got to the harbor, it turns out that a couple of ultimate fighters were jealous that I had had sexual relations with their Playboy model girlfriends, so a fight broke out. I knocked one of the guys down with one punch, but the smaller guy turned out to be the greater threat. He had me in a chicken wing hold, and things may have gone sour, but one of the women I had recently had in a different hold struck him hard enough to allow me to break free, and that was all I needed.
I made short work of the 270-pound gentleman.
Tired, I returned to the estate to visit my children, whose mother died in a tragic airplane accident. After putting them down for the evening, I put the finishing touches on my most recent novel, which incidentally is the first book to win a Hugo award before its publication. My damned agent leaked the first draft. Oprah is hounding me to appear on her show, but I don’t feel right about that since I’m such good friends with Bill and Hillary.
Then I did a little cancer research and wrote another entry on my fake blog.
Isolation score: Go to hell
I hope the fact that you like Hillary is part of the lie.
You are one fucked up individual.
I believed the part about his penis being as small as a baguette.
just ignore those people. you don’t have to prove anything to them. some internet comments can make you lose faith in humanity, but you’ve just got to ignore it or skip over comments you can see are bad. this blog is about you, not about them.
Right. And tomorrow you’ll tell us that you *really* look like Peter Lorre with Marty Feldman’s eyes, that you’ve never been on a boat and have never left your native Idaho.
You’ll tell us that you’ve only looked at one Playboy and felt so guilty afterward that you threw up in the toilet.
Then you’ll go on to explain that when you were in sixth grade the third grade bully made mincemeat out of you because you were staring at his girlfriend.
Finally, you’ll let us know you wrote a letter to Ralph Nader once, but you just got a form letter in return and that your cancer research involved smoking a pack of Camels.
I won’t touch the novel, because we all know that’s a steamy load of horseshit.
lol u just made my day thank u
:)
hmn…personality’s splitting now harlan?
i have to agree with herb. first a lie followed by an admission of a lie. then another lie? to say the posts are in a vicious cycle is an understatement.
too bad. i had high hopes for this blog.
now i’m not so sure.
RF: 10
Harlan, please quit allowing the douchebags to get to you. Douchebags will *always* flock to places online where they can flaunt their douchebaggery, trying to top the other douchebags in their quest for ultimate internet douchebag.
As I said before… how stupid do you have to be to continue to come to a site and spout off your douchebag comments when you:
1. Don’t even believe Harlan is real, and
2. Think this place sucks.
They should make a special combined douchebag/ignorant ass category for you.
Please take into consideration that to these douchebags, commenting on your blog about how great they are/how bad you are is the highlight of their life.
The end.
no more comments.
the internet has spoken.
Thanks for my first chuckle of the day. I hope you’re not really letting these people bother you. You know, you could disable comments. I’m just sayin’.
I think Herb should take over this blog for a while so that Harlan can get some much-needed rest in the sanitarium.
Go Harlan Go!!!
LMAO!! Love this one!! And I am totally agreeing with Donna W. Don’t let them get to you. It’s not worth it.
You provide me with entertainment…and whether things that are said are the truth or not…I know that writing this helps you either way. I dont care about the truth. I come here to be entertained…and to feel like I am not alone in things that have to do with Life.
Now….this doesnt mean that I am cold and heartless….if I were able to get to know the real “YOU” on a different level than by reading a blog….then I might feel differently. If this is the real “YOU” - all you have to do is say so…personally to me (scottbooker@yahoo.com) and I will believe you.
Until then…..BLOG HARD!!! And I will be here reading.
Dude,
Tell the truth and turn OFF comments.
“You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others”
-Colossians 3:13
Even if you don’t believe, take it in a secular manner.
P.S. Gross, it’s 10 AM and someone in my office is eating something really garlicky smelling. Ew.
I agree with my man Chuck. Herb should take over!
At least he can write…
As for TOOLIE and the bleeding heart known as ELISE, why don’t you join a mission in a third world country & get on with saving humanity?
Perhaps you can’t tear yourself away from interacting with all of the first world douchebags you like to hang with?
This blog is not about the fictitious “Harlan” or Harvey, Harold, whatever - it’s about pure entertainment for the glut of douchebags who read it - me & you included!
And it’s about communication, starting a dialogue. So I invite you, Elise and Tool, to share….nah, on second thought I’m not interested.
Some of you take this shit far too seriously, while others - like cool dude Herb, consider it a fun way to piss away part of the day. I for one, can’t stop laughing, cuz this shit is golden!
btw, Harlan - if we’re reading your blog we’re already IN HELL!!!
So jam it up your stinkin’ pipe too - and then I forgive you for damning me and the others to hell, just because I read that lovely quote from Colossal above. Apparently Jesus still loves you, even if everyone else thinks you’re an asshole!
Yours truly,
The Queen of All Douchebags
ISOLATION SCORE: ALWAYS 10 - since I came into this world alone & will likely leave the same way.
btw, Hurlin’ - Venezuela has a President, not a Prime Minister.
Like you didn’t know that, you probably hold some kind of public office yourself.
Anyhow, check your facts before you spread misinformation, otherwise the Prime Minister of Venezuela might throw a fit and stop selling us oil!
sassy. I like it.
way to rile the masses. :)
That was fucking brilliant. Stop doing whatever you’re doing, and start writing long-winded short stories about the guy you just described in your post. I’d buy them.
I agree with Chuck. For his mental health’s sake, Harlan needs to take a phoney vacation away from his fake blog.
Good bye Harlen , who ever you are. I hope that in your real life you find a way to communicate with people. I think your only real problem is your atittude. Your lonely becuase you drive peole away.
NOW I am turning out the light on you.
Queen of all douchebags, it amazes me that you can find the time to dedicate so much effort into telling EVERYONE what do to, but then again, I’m not. I’m sure this mimics your real life and you probably can’t even pay someone to be your friend, which leaves you plenty of time to roam the internet and spout off as much ignorant bullshit as necessary to comfort yourself.
You have some phobia about saying Harlan’s name, as you always spend so much time misspelling it for some weird freakish reason, like your tiny mind can’t grasp the concept of the name of the person you are trying to antagonize.
Take your phony superiority bullshit and shove it up your puckered over-used ass .
“Some of you take this shit far too seriously” - are you fucking kidding me? Who is here every day now to spew your diarrhea? Seems like you have made a big commitment your damn self.
We all know this is you:
http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/4751/00015728xm4.gif
Go back to shoveling the Cheetos and Rump Roasts in your nag hole, although I’m willing to bet your dumb ass will be here every single day to type as much stupid shit as your greasy fingers will allow ya ignorant cunt.
By the way, this will be the LAST time I even acknowledge your idiotic ass. It’s clear you are begging for attention, but you’ll just have to suck on a Cheeto and get over it.
. . . withholding judgement while enjoying the heck out of this blog. whatever the truth is, i love the humor.
and oh, please don’t turn off comments, as they’re f*cking hilarious too and at least 25% of my reason for checking out your blog every day. actually, make that 50% if you include your responses to the comments.
and finally, I kinda enjoy not being quite sure exactly what’s going on here. that’s another part of what keeps me coming back. but then, you kinda already know that right? (rhetorical question - I don’t expect you’ll respond.)
Shame, Harlan. You should have paid more attention to the dyslexic, keyboard-challenged Ann. She’s turned out the light on you so now you’re so very alone in the dark without even a dog.
I think that this blog is very funny indeed, the subject matter changes day to day, week to week, very good.
Does it really matter whether it’s true or fake, it’s entertainment on the net!
With regards to comments about people wasting their time to read the blog and then trash it…blah blah…who’s the idiot, the people posting the trash or the people defending the blog. The answer is a simple one, I bet the majority of us our sitting at our desk’s in the office being paid a good £ salary, we have internet access so we read these blogs and others as part of our daily ‘to do list’. It’s not really harming us except maybe our employers profit’s.
Keep up the good work.
Cheers
Ps Herb is sounds like a nice chap.
Hmmm, seems like our friend the TOOL has a bit of a rage problem?
What’s the matter Tool? Don’t like being called a wrench when you’re really a hammer?
Or were you a fat kid who was bullied in the schoolyard once too many times?
(me too, so I can totally relate)
As for spare time. Yes tool, I have lots and lots of spare time.
But I don’t spend all of it trolling the internet, sometimes I go public!
And I do have lots of friends who think I’m funny and entertaining, and I only have to pay my cleaning lady (and don’t fucking care if she likes me or not) and I really, truly enjoy antagonizing people like you because, well, it’s easy!
As for telling everyone what to do…can’t see where I’ve done that but you are right about a few things…
I am totally superior to you, I am totally committed to antagonizing the fucking hell out of you - because you do take this shit too seriously - i AM a total cunt, but a very well educated one, and although that picture does bear a fabulous likeness to me - my tits are very perky!
Now why don’t you unclog the venom from your feeble brain, knock the jizz out of your ears and join the rest of us in a good laugh.
Lighten up, toolie!
Or if you insist on being so dark about everything, just fuck off.
Lots of love to you forever and ever and ever!
YOUR QUEEN
“I had to cancel my appointment with the Prime Minister of Venezuela to tow this other yacht back into the harbor for repairs.”
this made me spit out my coffee… my coworkers think I’m insane.. and since I don’t speak the same language as any of them, I can’t explain..
either way.. you’ve made my afternoon!
Harlan, I get your humour… it’s pretty obvious to me that you were just trying to be funny in the previous post.. don’t know why people want to put you down like that. I’m so glad that I discovered your blog- you’re very entertaining! Some stories might not ring right but I think you have been very honest about who you are. Also, IMHO I’ve found that the best way to fight off loneliness is to surround yourself with cheerful people (even though you don’t feel like interacting with other people at the moment). It really rubs off and after awhile, you’ll get used to being ‘normal’ :)