Honesty is Probably the Best Policy
Posted by harlan on 31 Jan 2008 at 05:06 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
I don’t claim to be a perfect person. I am not good looking. I don’t think well on my feet. I’m not athletic.
So to suddenly have a bunch of people talking to me on this blog — even if some of them think I’m doing something like that LonelyGirl15 thing on YouTube a while ago — makes me want to seem to be more successful than I really am.
For example, it made me want to act like I had gotten a date, when in reality things didn’t go as well. Anyway, now I’m trying to tell the truth.
After Richard and people on this blog got me all psyched up to talk to Jane, I marched straight over to her office (she used to be in a cubicle but she moved when I did). I had a few butterflies in my stomach, but I wasn’t even close to feeling nauseous. Not yet, anyway. Full of confidence that in retrospect bordered on arrogance, I opened her door and had this conversation:
Me: Hi Jane!
Jane: Oh, hi Harlan.
Me: How’s it going?
Jane: I’m fine.
Me: Have you been playing any online poker lately?
Jane: Harlan, did you take one of my plants?
I don’t think simple dialogue can convey what happened next. I literally heard blood pounding in my ears. I should have just walked away or maybe denied it, but instead I got defensive, and the conversation went downhill fast.
I asked who told her about the plant, and she wouldn’t tell me, so I got a little angry, which made me stutter. I knew I should leave, but I had walked into the room with a film in my head of how the conversation should go and I kept trying to steer back to it.
After a minute or two (I can’t really say, maybe it was a lot more, maybe a lot less) of me trying to explain myself, Jane told me she didn’t want me to talk to her unless it was work-related.
I asked why and she said she didn’t like the way I looked at her. And then she said, and I quote: "You creep me out.” I headed straight for the bathroom and sat down next to a toilet for I don’t know how long.
Just like in this blog, I told Richard I have a date with Jane. It’s easier to confess to lying to a bunch of people you don’t know and have never seen, so I still haven’t told him the truth.
Anyway, I think I can safely cross Jane off my list of potential soulmates.
I’m home now. I’ve had something to eat — I went to my favorite drive through place, Steak ‘n Shake — and I’m going try to watch a movie and hopefully forget all this ever happened. Maybe I’ll watch the whole LOTR trilogy in a row. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, and since I doubt I’ll be able to sleep, maybe tonight’s the night to do it.
Isolation score: 9.9
I was looking forward to an update the whole day… sorry it didn’t turn out the way you had expected.
Well, I think its great that you told the trueth becuase you certainly didn’t have too.
Forget Jane. I bombed out with a guy who didn’t even want to be my friend much less my boyfriend. Didnt matter I found a man anyways.
Harlan, this is a blessing in disguise.
Nothing’s worse than an office romance that doesn’t work out, especially if you’re required to have any contact with the person in your capacity at work.
I’ve been there, I know.
If things go sour it turns out to be an awkward, embarrassing mess. That, plus the fact that you’re constant fodder for the office gossip mill creates a recipe for disaster.
Of course, you’re already at ground zero and the bomb’s been dropped…you skipped the romance and went straight for the disaster, so I don’t know that any of this helps.
Cut your losses, dude, and stay away from her unless it’s directly related to work. You don’t want her reporting you to your supervisor or HR for harrassment. That’ll get ugly real fast.
As for Richard, just tell him that things didn’t work out with Jane, and never mention her name around him or anyone else at work again.
There are other ways to meet women, Harlan. Maybe you should try one of those online dating services like eHarmony. Have you ever thought of joining some kind of club or taking an art class or something like that?
I’m sorry things didn’t go as well as you let on, but don’t let that get you down too much. Jane probably wasn’t as great as she seemed anyway.
Too bad it didn’t work out. At least you went for it instead of always wondering what would’ve happened if you did.
Jane was not the one. Forget her!
I didn’t have a single date (except one my mom forced on me) until I was 21. My dad gave up and said I would be an old maid. Sweet 16 and never been kissed? Try sweet 21!
I’ve been happily married since 1966 to somebody who likes the fact that I’m unlike the rest of the female population.
You’d be surprised what your future has in store.
If she reacted that way, Jane doesn’t sound like a great woman to day. Like someone else said, office romances can be rough anyway.
I just discovered your blog this evening and it feels good to read that I am not alone in the being alone department. Well, I have a boyfriend, but all my other dating and social experiences have gone about as well as your conversation with Jane. Just not meant to be. I’m in college, I should be having the time of my life, but I am alone. I remind myself that it’s better to be alone than it is to be surrounded by people who I don’t get along with. It really is.
Don’t take plants next time. Also, deny deny deny!
I think the fact that you can stay awake during the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy is truly creepy.
The plant thing happened almost a month ago. Why did she wait so long to bring it up? And, if my timeline is correct, you returned it the same day you “borrowed” it so how would anyone have known it was missing? I mean, if somebody had seen you take it, wouldn’t this have come up earlier? I’m not nitpicking about details (well, I am, call me anal-retentive) but I’m curious what else might be going on here.
I’m sorry, dude. That sucks.
First time reader of your blog. I’m getting the impression that all of this is for the sake of comedy. It it’s not, then I apologize. I did find it kind of funny though –not your misery, but the writing.
I think that’s one of the saddest things ever heard.
I’ve been on her side of that mess. I’ve never been more ashamed of myself.
Regroup, move on, come up with another plan.
Awww Harlan. I’m sorry that you had an awkward day. At least tomorrow is Friday.
Also, would you mind telling us a bit more about yourself? That may sound creepy, but most bloggers have pictures of themself online. Could you at least tell us more about Harlan? Maybe it will take away from the haggard work environment that you enter every day.
It is comedy… right?
I’m so sorry this stuff keeps happpening to you. I feel your pain.
Harlan,
The next natural step is to pine for the love you never had. You will probably want to steal more of her stuff and build a shrine to Jane. Please try not to do this. It is you who messed up. Jane showed an interest in you - Your strange behaviour now makes her uncomfortable in your presence. The solution is to stop the strange behaviour.
Go find a dating web site and register. Be as honest as you can, short of describing yourself as a sad looser (which I assume is how you think of yourself). Send emails to people you think you might get on with. Reply to any emails you get. Don’t go looking for the love of your life - She’s not likely to be on the same web site - BUT lots of nice people will be.
Obviously do it as yourself, not as Harlan.
boo. sorry it turned out to be a bust…but, and it’s been said before, at least you *tried*. THAT IS AWESOME! Way to go, man! So so so many people go their whole lives without taking a chance like that. You were strong and brave, and so what if it didn’t turn out like a cheesy romance movie? Move on, and move up. And don’t steal any more plants. :)
I would go to a florist or nursery, buy her a plant, not big and dramatic, not small and homely looking, buy a small card, write “To make amends. I’m sorry I creeped you out, sometimes I’m a blabbering idiot”, don’t sign it, leave it on her desk and see if she comes to you. If she doesn’t, THEN you can go out of your way to avoid her at work from now on.
At best, she will be decent enough to swing by your office and say thanks, and you can nod and act like it’s no big deal, and more importantly, act like you don’t have time to talk to her. That will erase the ‘creepy’ from her mind.
From then on, you will not have to stress about avoiding her, she will feel as though she turned YOU off.
better to burn out than fade away right?
seriously, i think it’s a good thing. i mean, had you not tried, you’d be spending a longer time thinking what could be. such a waste of time and effort if you ask me.
now the jane episode is sorta over and done with, off you go to the next one.
like i said on my last comment, smile sweetie. there are those with far bigger problems than you ;)
What a bitch.
Harlan….I like your blog. I so want to believe that this is your day to day life. But I do hope better for you. You have to get out where people are. Join a gym, join a group, anything.
Jane is not a bitch! She felt creeped out and that’s her right. I would, too. You’re hearing one side of the story (which I believe it is, anyway; all fiction) and feeling pity for a stalker. He’s maybe not a stalker by choice, but his behavior is stalker-ish.
I can’t understand why I posted this on a fake blog.
Lay low for awhile. Avoid Jane at all cost. Just flat out tell Richard - “it didn’t go well and you felt stupid, sorry I lied”
_a
Also STOP fucking lieing to us. I have been coming here since pretty much day 1. Before your blog ‘made it big’ A lot of people are actaully here for you and care. So please stop being a punk. You want help? You want to break out of your shell? Lets start with being honest to yourself and your friends. You dont have to build yourself up - if people dont like you for your - fuck them..
enough said
_a
sorry
Yes, totally agree - stop lying and people with think you are less pathetic. Unless that’s what you want?
Why would any woman go for a guy who sneaks in, steals a plant (fucked UP!), and then acts like it didn’t happen? You’re a liar, you’re creepy, end of story.
If this is not a comedy blog (which I’m still hoping it is), then you should take Jane out of your radar and not have any kind of interaction with her. The worst thing you could do is to try to convince her that you’re not creepy, because it always ends up being creepier. You should just leave that alone.
Wow. I don’t get how life can be so hard. I mean, be who you are, and get to know people, select those who you enjoy being around as your friends. To come here, the one place in the world where one should be able to be totally themselves, and lie, is just so out there I simply don’t get it.
It’s life. You should try living it, there are people with cancer who would kill to deal with the issues you are lamenting over. Take a look at the big picture, get a grip, and move on. If I sound harsh for my first post, know that I’m just being honest, something you should try here in the future.
Good luck.
Nothing worse than rejection my friend. But at least you tried. Someone mentioned online dating. I have tried it and met quite a few nice ladies. You might want to give it a whirl. It’s a lot easier than trolling bars for women and most women feel the same way. You get a chance to communicate with them in writing which you are extremely talented at. After you exchange a few messages and let each other know your likes and dislikes you kinda get a feel as to what kind of person your dealing with. Then maybe you could plan to meet them somewhere and go on from there if it feels right to both of you.
Marketing 101:
It takes 10 nos to find a yes.
You did something that your afraid to do- you overcame your fear and talked her. That’s so much more important than the actual outcome. You should be proud of yourself for making that step.
The only thing worse than being rejected by someone else is loathing yourself for being too afraid to try.
A friend of mine (ok, i actually hate him, but he is an aquantance) who goes to the bar everynight and refuses to go home without a female told me this: “I don’t care if I have to ask every women in the bar. ONE of them will say yes.”
When i asked how he could handle that much rejection and still have the strength to keep going, he told me that rejection is like cold water. The best way to get over it is to jump right in and get wet. After that it doesn’t bother you as much.
Like i said, I hate him.
Also , If you want the readers to stop questioning you tell us about yourself. All we know is that you are alone and angry about it. Time to tell us more. We wanna know why you hate your brother (whats the story, what happened) we wanna know how your girlfriend became his wife.
Moshizzle said: The plant thing happened almost a month ago. Why did she wait so long to bring it up? And, if my timeline is correct, you returned it the same day you “borrowed” it so how would anyone have known it was missing? I mean, if somebody had seen you take it, wouldn’t this have come up earlier? I’m not nitpicking about details (well, I am, call me anal-retentive) but I’m curious what else might be going on here.
I say: DITTO
Regarding Bob’s friend: That’s what we call “playing the odds”. That philosophy worked quite well for me for a few years. If you’re the type that can brush off the rejection, it’s not a bad way to go about things.
Bob, you can hate me too - I can live with that.
I agree with Ann — tell us about your brother. And what about your mother?
You treat yourself a lot worse than you treated Jane. You creep yourself out. It doesn’t have to be that way.
She sounds a bit like BIOTCH…
There are lots of nice wommen out there you just have to be patient.
when did this plant thing happen, I gotta read that! hahahaha…at first I thought it was creepy, now I think it’s funny.
i agree with ann as well. so far all i know about you is that you don’t live in ohio and you’re wound up as hell for someone who actually has a pretty good life. i’m torn beween empathy and tough love when it comes to trying to offer you any advice.
Ok - Forget my last comment on the last entry. Forget about Jane. Move on!! Maybe…find another plant?? :)
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