So Very Non-Existent
Posted by harlan on 30 Jan 2008 at 04:20 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
Yesterday, I had a good day. I got along with a person, and found out from that person that the woman I like isn’t going out with the person I thought she was going out with.
So I tried to be positive. I talked about those things, instead of talking about what I could have talked about, which was everything else that happened during the rest of the day. For example, I could have talked about how I had what felt like a ten minute stammering fit when my boss surprised me with a question in a crowded meeting. I wound up looking like I didn’t know what I’m talking about, even though I knew the answer to the question and could have explained it easily if I hadn’t been ambushed.
And I didn’t talk — because I had had a good day — about how I nodded to my neighbor as I was going to my mailbox and she was coming back from it, and not only did she not nod back, but she looked down as if she hadn’t noticed me nodding.
And so, because I talked about how two good things happened to me yesterday (how crazy is that, that two whole good things might happen to a single person in one day?!?!) more people comment than have ever commented before on this blog, saying, with absolute conviction, because they’re crimefighters who detect fake people for a living I guess, that I am not real.
Fine. I’m not real then. This is actually a relief, because my life sucks a little bit more than a real person’s should, and this gives my life (or what I used to think was my life, but is apparently not a life at all) considerably more clarity.
Now that I am not real, I think it will be much easier for me to sleep at night. What do I have to lose sleep over, really? Nothing! Because I don’t really exist!
Also, I can stop worrying about whether there would even be a funeral if I died and how many people would attend. I used to think there would probably be my sister and her family, maybe my brother because that would give him "closure" (even though he deserves the opposite of closure, whatever that is), and some assigned representative from work. But now I realize that either whoever the godlike figure is that’s writing my fictional existence would either have a whole bunch of people attend my funeral, or none whatsoever, depending on whichever he thought was more dramatic. Regardless, I can stop thinking about that. Excellent.
And best of all, I can stop writing this stupid blog, where people spend more time questioning whether I exist than at least trying to be civil. Whoever invented me can start writing it, because I’m sick of it.
Oh, and while you’re at it, Mr. / Ms. Writing of a Fictional Character Person, could you do me one fucking favor and write me into bed with someone? Thanks.
Really, the only thing that’s sad about being non-existent is that I won’t ever get to see Peter Jackson’s production of The Hobbit.
Isolation Score: Doesn’t matter, because I am not real.
(By the way, if I were real, I would have gone and said "Hi" to Jane today, without incident. But that is just too unfuckingbelievable for it to have happened to a real person, so I guess that’s further proof that I am not real.)
If The Hobbit turns out to be as big of a snooze as those interminable Lord of the Rings movies, you might just be grateful that you don’t exist.
So, you’re saying that you want to have sex with Richard?
I believe you’re real. I found your blog from the bloggies website. I have a job where I babysit a showroom and play on the internet all day. I like blogs by people who are as unimpressed by life as I am. Who wonder why everything seems to work out for everyone else. who wonder every day - what am I doing wrong. what does everyone else get that I’m missing. I’ve added you to my favorites and will be visiting daily.
I wish I wasn’t real.
I think ppl are just mad that you said Trevor was not real, so they are saying you are not real. It’s just weird karma.
It’s Ok, I like to imagine it’s all real. ha. Even Trevor.
Trin, Harlan merely is fictitious. Trevor is a fraud. There’s a big difference.
it appears to me that Harlan feels as though he is being called a fraud…he is upset
Harlan’s not using smug, self-righteous sentimentality and drawings of cute hugging mice to sell a series of videos to parents who’d rather have a d.v.d. player raise their children than do it themselves. Harlan might not be real, but there’s a lot more reality to his sense of loneliness than in anything on Trevor’s website.
Hi Harlan,
I found your blog by way of the bloggie award thing. The title of your blog caught my eye… I guess that says enough…
I’m in the same boat as Erin and Isabella. I found you on the bloggie award page and bookmarked your page. I come here so often you have actually come up in conversation in my daily life–i went to Walmart and have watched an episode of Hanna Montana. Unlike you, i actually don’t really have co-workers because i work at night (11pm-7am). i haven’t seen the sun in months. I know you exist!
I think you exist. I mean, what would happen to me if you didn’t? Nothing. Plus, I can relate to what is being said here. Though I am not like you on the outside (I’m a successful, confident social butterfly who works in the arts) I am like you on the inside. Though I love to talk to people at work and I do have a few close friends, those friends live far away, and after work my life becomes rather non-existent. I am hundreds of acquaintances, and three true friends.
Many times I go home at night and wish my three girlfriends lived closer, but then I chide myself. I am living the high life in NY while they are back home in TX.
Then I realize, who am I kidding? From the outside, my life looks perfect, but really all I want it someone I can relate to, and, if I’m lucky maybe even someone who might want to spend the rest of their life with me.
I’m a normal person, but people don’t find me approachable. I’ve always been very confident and I am “too intelligent” according to some for my line of work.
Regardless, don’t give up. I like reading your blog, and I don’t think you’re fake.
you are real and your not alone in how you feel
i relate to all that you say on here
and the people who have called you fake just don’t understand.
I believe you.
Three friends!
You utter utter cow! I only have two!
The people who think you are a “writing excercise” are the same morons who say “PHOTOSHOP!” every time they see a picture of something real that exists outside of their own, very small world view.
Don’t get mad at them- pity them. They view the world as something that they already completely understand, instead of seeing it for the mystery that is.
Looks like you may have no reason to exist, after all:
From Associated Press — “The plaintiffs [the Tolkien estate] seek more than $150 million in compensatory damages, unspecified punitive damages and a court order giving the Tolkien estate the right to terminate any rights New Line may have to make films based on other works by the author, including “The Hobbit.”
“Such an order would scuttle plans by New Line to make a two-film prequel based on “The Hobbit.” “Rings” trilogy director Peter Jackson has already signed on to serve as executive producer on the project, which is tentatively slated to begin production next year, with releases planned for 2010 and 2011.”
lol.. well played Harlan…
who cares… real… fake… if it bothers them that much, they can just stop reading..
Keep doing your thing buddy!