What a wEird Day
Posted by harlan on 28 Jan 2008 at 07:47 pm | Tagged as: talking to the void
I’ll start off by saying first off that I am drunk as a skunk. i KNOW i’m viloting several rules here, especially the rule about not drinking and blogging, but I just need to get it out. Your’e probabloy wondering why I’m drinking so heavily on a Monday night. If i knew the answer, I probably wouldnt’[ be drinkiing. Or maybe I’d be drinking even more. My point is that a bunch of things happened today and I don’t know where to start. First there’s this blog which is like a fucking albatross. One of the reasons I’m so alone is that part of me needs to be fucking alone. Then there’s Richard. I asked him why he was crying this morning and we had a pleasant conversation going and I was thinking that Richard might be my first real friend since I was a kid. I dont want go into any details but I decided to tell him about J.B., the guy who was at the xmas party with Jane, and Richard started laughing. Long story short, Richard is a homosexual, J.B. is a homosexual (Richard assured me that this was true in vivid cock smocking detail), and Jane is still available or at least I think she is. My heart almost popped out of my chest which surprised me because I thought I was getting over her. So then I went to a bar after work and I don’t know if you knew this but there’s no such thing as a Cheers bar where everyone knows each other, at least no bar I’ve been too. I’ve been drinking at Black Cat Cove at least a couple dozen times and let’s just say that no one shouts “Harlan” when I walk into the bar and if someone did shout “Harlan” no one would know who the fcuk they’re talking about, the dipshit losers. So I was sitting at the bar looking at my reflection in the mirror behind the rum bottles, and I fucking hated what I saw. I was trying to find my real face inside the bloated face and I wanted to throw my glass at the mirror. Not even tequila shots would make that feeling go away. The guys next to me were badmouthing George W. Bush and I wouldn’t take any more so I almost said something and left. And then I got home and the phone was ringing and for some crazy reason I decided to pick up. It was my brother. In my mind I was saying to him, “Fuck off you fucking fuck,” but my mouth told him that I love him and miss him and I’m sorry, which is totatlly crazy because he’s the one who needs to be sorry. I even agreed to visit him in a couple weeks. I’m sure I’ll be mad at myself when I’m sober even though right now I’m kind of excited to see Becky. Maybe I’ve gotten over her betrayal. I already feel like I’m getting sobver so I’m going to click Submit and go wonder around and puke in that nosy woman’s mailbox again.
did richard say why he was crying?
i think there’s something you don’t realize. while most of us don’t feel the way you do all of the time, we all feel the way you do some of the time. perhaps that’s why you’ve got a decent following.
and hey, we all have monday nights where we need a few extra shots.
Is the fact that he’s homosexual a problem?
Its awesome that you and Richard are getting a long well. Next time you go to the Black Cat, take him! At least you won’t have to worry about watching him hit on the girls while you’re out. I know that I personally HATE watching guys hit on women because I suck at it so completely.
You SO need to go into some details about this brother of yours. You alluded to him before..
Dude, Becky never “betrayed” you.
I wish I was drunk…
i found your blog today and read every post.
i’m both curious and a little pissed off.
i may have met you, or i may have just met people like you. i may have also married you (and divorced you) or had a crush on you or was your friend. or thought i was.
and all i can think is, “what the fuck is wrong with you?”. if you’re who i think you are–or that type of person–you simultaneously ooze loneliness, yet isolate yourself from every opportunity to be happy. you’re in a constant state of self-sabotage. you fall for the pretty girls while the perfectly attractive chicks that might not be beauty queens (ahem) who “get” you are never considered viable romantic interests.
just when i think i’ve finally rid myself of these tortured-types, i have to run across your blog and it’s like ripping the bandage off of all those old wounds. of asking questions that never get answered. of arguments that are screamed in silence. of wondering “what do you want me to do?” and “how do i get through to you?’ and “if i believe in you, why can’t you believe in yourself?”
more curiously (and less hostile), i seriously wonder: how do you want someone to approach you? should one even bother? if you crave company–and i think sometimes you do–are you willing to go into the uncomfortable places one would need to go to maintain a friendship or relationship?
maybe the last thing you need is to have me poke at you or rattle your cage. but i figure at least i’m coming from a more sincere place than most asshole trolls.
Richard’s experience is “don’t date co-workers”…could become awkward if there is a breakup.
“Fuck off you fucking fuck.” I like that. I may have to “borrow” that phrase the next time someone pisses me off. Jackie W. is right though — do not date co-workers. Or employees for that matter. Bad news man. Bad news.
It should be noted that this entry was posted on Jan 28, 2008. Which is a Thursday. NOT a Monday