What Do You Say To A Crying Man?
Posted by harlan on 25 Jan 2008 at 11:24 am | Tagged as: talking to the void
I came into work a little late today because I’m still feeling sluggish, so I was surprised when Richard wasn’t there. He came in about an hour after I did, sat down without saying a word, and started crying. He didn’t respond when I asked if he wanted to be alone. And then he just started bawling with his whole body. Since my office was the last place in the whole world I wanted to be, I left and wandered aimlessly through the hallways.
In the kitchen area, I ran into the guy who was with Jane at the Christmas party. I had no idea he even worked at our company. Wow! Seeing this guy was like seeing the devil. What does he have that I don’t have? Maybe his personality is a little more outgoing, but whose isn’t? I followed him back to his office, so now I know his name. I’m not sure what I’m going to do about this information, but knowledge is power. I need to learn more.
Richard had stopped crying when I returned to the office. He was so quiet the rest of the day that I almost wanted him to start up his chattering again.
Isolation score: 7
I think you said exactly the right thing. You didn’t pry, and you didn’t bother him about it afterwards, but you did respect his feelings and his privacy.
did you ask him later if there’s anything you can do for him? he might be just as lonely as you are!
Nobody says “yes” when you ask if you can do something for them? If you do want to go out of your way, you have to come up with a specific idea…something that would help, but something you can live with carrying out. Like, “Hey, I’m going to go grab a coffee. Can I get you one?” or, “Hey, I’m going to go grab a sandwich. Can I get you one?” You’ll have to think of other ideas yourself…I’m all out.
Dude, why don’t you invite Richard to go get coffee or a drink or some such social activity after work on Monday. He’s obviously distressed about something, and maybe having someone to talk to could help him out a little bit.
Maybe he needs a friend, and it certainly couldn’t hurt you.
I know you celebrate your lonliness as much as you lament it, but maybe just once you could quit being so self absorbed and show some kindness to someone who is a little down right now.
did he find out that you rubbed your balls on his mouse?
Andy, Christine, and Herb apparently don’t
‘get’ you…..
The guy is usually a chatterbox. If he wanted to talk, he would have. I would have done the exact same thing you did.
Personally, I (a) wouldn’t have wandered into the office and cried, and (b) would have apologised if I had. I’d skip the coffee/drinks thing myself at this point - easier to work with someone closely if you keep it on a professional level, rather than dealing with their issues every day (and it sounds like he has issues).
While it’s true that few people will respond with a concrete answer when asked “Is there anything I can do for you?”, the simple act of asking can do wonders for them.
In this day and age there is a huge disconnect between people, as you point out time and time again. The problem with that of course is that human beings are gregarious. We need human contact–on every level.
I do think you did the right thing by stepping out of the office and letting him have some privacy, but I also agree with the “ungetters”… It would have been nice for you to ask if he needed anything–or better yet for you to have brought back a drink or “comfort food” for him. Simple gestures go a long way.
It might all be moot on Monday, but if he’s still down, be there for him.
(as a side note, I can’t help but grin when I see the ads in the sidebar…:D )
Yeah, I think it would have been really good if you asked him “are you ok” or “is there anything going on that you want to talk about” or something similar. It sounds like the dude must have had a pretty rough time to cry like that.
Sometimes, a lot of the reason we’re alone is that we don’t reach out to people…maybe you find Richard unappealing, but who knows, you just might find a real friend. Either way, you’ll feel good about at least showing you care.
you inspired me:
http://ohchagall.blogspot.com/
wheres the rss feed?
I find it interesting you have an isolation score when more and more frequently you mention interacting with people, and questioning your relationships with them.
You should join a club or go back to school to meet some people outside of work. It’s really difficult to connect with people at work, sometimes it’s easier to meet others someplace else.
I hope he is ok. I’m glad that you’re home from the hospital and well enough to go back to work.
I prolly would have asked “Are you OK?”…let that play out & be done with it. Now days have went by & we are all wondering. It’s too late now to ask “Are you OK?” it might start another pity feast. Good luck
Love the way everyone has advice from this man, let him be.. he like silently observing the madness of others
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