I just saw a bunch of comments saying I’m a finalist in a contest I didn’t even try to enter.

I’m struggling a little bit with the irony here. I’ve spent countless hours trying to learn to connect with people, wondering whether I’ve done it properly, and feeling like a fool when I’ve found out I did it wrong. And now I seem to have managed to connect with a bunch of people without even meaning to.

There’s probably a life lesson here. Something like, "Quit trying, because good fortune is random."

Maybe this is the thing I’ve been waiting my whole life for. Maybe I’m going to meet a lot of people who recognize that I like being alone sometimes, am somewhat shy, but am an OK person.

I wish I could tell Jane about this. Or anyone. Obviously, though, I’ve got to keep it to myself. But it’s nice to have a good secret.

I am probably hexing myself by saying this, but what the hell: I really hope I win a Weblog Award.

Isolation Score: 2

[UPDATE] I just went and looked at the other entries for the "Best-kept secret blog" award. Here’s what I think:

  • Greeblemonkey: This is the blog of a mother who loves her school-aged kids and wants nothing but the best for her children. She seems very smart, focused, and thinks deeply. She makes me ashamed to be as selfish and petty as I am. I would definitely vote for her over me.
  • That Night: This blog is written by a gifted college student. She is an excellent writer and photographer. She has a positive, balanced outlook on life. I’m sure she’ll go far. I suspect that she is the one who will win.
  • Das Becca: Another mother who wants the best for her child. That seems to be an ongoing theme. Also, it looks like she’s grieving for the loss of a friend. Even though she’s sad, she’s hopeful. And she’s thoughtful and deep. If it weren’t for the "That Night" blog, I bet she’d win.
  • Trevor’s Blog: Trevor uses his blog to beat us over the head with what a smart, wise, caring, artistic and handsome man he is. So he can sell us books and movies, I’m guessing, that further sell us on what a smart, wise, caring, artistic and handsome man he is. Don’t tell me you don’t sense that guy’s a phony.