I was talking with my sister last night, and told her I had gone to see Sweeney Todd. [Side note: I understand that it’s supposed to be interesting and clever to have a musical about a mass murderer, but it didn’t take me long to start thinking, "OK, I get the gag. Let’s move on."] Our conversation went like this:

Me: I went to Sweeney Todd last night.

Her: That’s great! I’m glad you’re finally doing something with other people.

Me: What?

Her: I’m glad you went to a movie. Who did you go with?

Me: I didn’t go with anyone.

Her: You went to a movie alone?

I am not exaggerating when I say she made it sound like I had just set fire to an orphanage.

I realize that going to a movie by yourself seems like a sad, lonely thing to do, but it really makes perfect sense. After all, once the movie begins, it’s not like you’re doing anything with the person you went to the movie with anyway. Sure, you’re sitting by each other, but you’re not talking with each other or looking at each other. If the movie’s any good, you mostly forget that the person by you even exists. In other words, you may as well be alone.

Still, I understand a lot of people feel embarrassed about being alone at a movie, so here are some tips for feeling comfortable at a movie by yourself.

1. Put your coat on the chair next to you. Everyone who sees you will think that the coat belongs to the person who is with you and that person is just buying popcorn, going to the bathroom, or checking in with the babysitter.

2. Buy two medium bags of popcorn instead of 1 large bag of popcorn. Put one of the bags of popcorn on the chair holding your coat. When you finish the first bag of popcorn partway through the movie, switch bags.

3. Put your drink in the armrest cupholder that is shared between your two chairs.

4. If someone asks if the chair is taken, say it is. You may think that someone would say "But that chair has been empty for five minutes," but nobody has ever has to me.

On another note, I get to move into my new office tomorrow afternoon.

Isolation Score: 4