Midnight Confessions
Posted by harlan on 20 Dec 2007 at 08:24 am | Tagged as: talking to the void
I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Part of the problem was this stupid Christmas party that has my stomach in knots. But most of my anxiety is due to something I wrote a couple days ago. Yes, I was too hard on the Fat Cyclist. I was upset, and I wanted to believe he sent over some of the mean people who think it’s funny to treat me like some kind of clown. Ha ha, look at the nervous guy. I know I’ve gotten a lot of nice, supporting comments, but all it takes is one mean-spirited comment to wash away all the good feelings. So Mr. Fat Cyclist, if you’re reading this, I apologize. For what it’s worth, I like reading your blog about cycling. I’m envious. I sold my bike due to an unfortunate incident on the road, so it’s nice to keep in touch with people who manage to continue to enjoy riding bikes.
There’s also something else that’s bothering me. I told a couple of fibs. It’s no secret that my name isn’t really Harlan, but I don’t know why I wrote that other stuff. I’m not a Vice-President, I don’t earn $230k a year, and the only way I could retire is if I become a monk, which I’ve given serious thought to. Oh, and I’m not going to the stupid Christmas party tonight. I need to stop trying to be someone I’m not.
I’m so sorry.
Isolation score: 7
Remember that Jane is probably nervous too. She obviously has an interest in seeing you outside of work; she would never have brought up the party otherwise. From the female perspective, she was basically asking you on a date. It was a bit of a cop out, because it wasn’t a direct inquiry, but it was a *safe* route to take:
If you said yes: “Great! I’ll see you there.” Which, in a girl’s brain pretty much always means “I’m going to prettify myself and try not to be an idiot and maybe this will lead to something else. Oh Please Oh Please let this lead to something else.”
If you said no: “Ah, that’s to bad; it’ll be a lot of fun.” She doesn’t have to feel like you’ve turned *her* down, so everyone leaves the conversation feeling hunky dory.
Like Briget, I can be a bit windy. But this is all to say that DUDE! She’s expecting to see you there now. If you don’t go, it’s the same thing as standing her up. At least have the courtesy of stopping by to see her today and let her know you’re not going.
Harlan - I really wish you would go to your party. Even if it’s to for an hour. Say hello shake a few hands.. say ‘hey’ to Jane… and be on your Merry little way. Dont stress.. and try to have some fun..
Have a great chirstmas .. enjoy being YOU from now on.. =)
Adam
Harlan, go to the party.
It’s not a funeral or church or the circus, for cryin’ out loud, it’s a party!
Jane is expecting to see you there. How are you going to feel if you let her down?
Well, you should still tell Jane that you make 230K. Tell her that you got an inheritance, since she probably knows exactly what you make.
If you don’t go to the party, she is probably going to end up showing her o face to that nimrod from accounting
harlan - don’t worry about it. i make stuff up on my blog all the time. i probably also shouldn’t have called you “poor harlan” — that was condescending.
for what it’s worth, i think about 95% of humanity hates christmas parties. The other 5%…organize christmas parties.
We all need to stop trying to be someone we’re not.
First…Lyle that was funny. Second, Fatty is right. Christmas parties are boring….unless there is someone nice there who you could hang with. Then their not so bad. So…. Relax. Have a good time. We’re with you.
Harlan, I totally feel for you. It’s not easy being shy in a culture that so prizes sociability. My like minded Myers Briggs friends and I call it “the tyranny of the Es”.
I encourage you to go to the party and relax a bit about it, but also not to have unrealistic expectations. Yes, Jane wants to see you there, and if you don’t go, as Lyle says above (and as i know from having avoided dances andparties throgh school) it may be the nimrod from accounting…
I had an instructive experience at my firm x-mas pty a couple yrs ago - I’d been encouraged to go by a woman I’d been inexpertly flirting with (she had since left the firm but was coming to the party); I rode my bike home that Friday - still undecided. It was raining and i decided to get high I had to make a pipe out of an apple and some foil ’cause it wasn’t a frequent activity for me - I then went back out in the rain and cleaned my bike scrubbed it and oiled it It took hours (it took 20 minutes actually) then i went back to my apartment got cleaned up, put on a jacket and tie (and pants) got a book and walked through the rain to the bus-stop and went to the party.
best bus ride of my life.
got to the party talked to the girl she ran her fingers up and down the lapel of my jacket and smiled dopily at me while we stood in the drink line. Eventually said she thought she and I should call it a night as she really needed to catch up with her other ex-colleagues, and she walked me (clutching my taxi voucher) to the door and said good bye and told me to email her about maybe coming down to her new city to visit. at that point I remembered that my rain jacket was still at the coat check so I went back in just in time to see her walking away holding hands with the nimrod from accounting.
it was disappointing, but it was much better to know where I stood (out in the rain apparently)
I think swtkaroline is right: this party gives Jane the opportunity to ask you, humiliation free, into a social situation. Jane expects to see you there, we don’t know why, only she does, go to the party and give her a chance to let you know why.
Harlan, I thought you’d appreciate this - it came off an email from a friend:
You are probably having a bad evening when…
…you find yourself telling your cat that EVERYONE is an asshole and you are going to move to Antarctica and just hang out with penguins and he can come, maybe, if he agrees to go to the bathroom outside in the snow instead of having a litter box (because there is no cat litter on Antarctica), but NO ONE ELSE is allowed EVER!
Maybe Jane? But how will she know? You’ve gotta talk to her Monday.
office Christmas parties are almost always boring and stupid. I’d never go to mine. however, that said, you said you’d go. if you’re not you should tell jane.
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